Pies Jokes / Recent Jokes

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin and bitchin.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tommorow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
Frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had alI I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
Then grins as he chuckles "The egg nog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret,
Says, "What's taking so long.... aren't you more...

It was the night before Christmas, when all through the trailer park
Not a pop-top was poppin', not even Ole Blue barked.
Our stockin's was hung over the space heater with care,
In hopes Santy would fill' em with Viennas and beer.

The kids was alseep in their NASCAR pj's,
Dreamin' of Goo Goo Clusters, Moon pies, and RC's.
And Earlene in her curlers and me in my John Deere cap
Had just settled into our La-Z-Boys for Wheel of Fourtune and a nap.

Then out in the vacent lot I heard such a commotion
I thought it was neighbor Clyde, finally got his T'bird in motion.
I heaved out of my recliner and to the window I flew,
Busted out the screen and hollered for Blue.

The moon was shinin' down on my old wrecked cars
So bright they was sparklin' like rusty old stars.
And I couldn't believe my own hardworking eyes
When a jacked up Ford pickup come flyin' through the sky!

Faster'n Ole Ironhead hs more...

What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS ~ WOMAN’S VIEW
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin and bitchin.
I’ve been here for hours; I can’t stop to rest.
This room’s a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I’ve got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered; I’ve got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There’s a knock at the door and the telephones ringing
Frosting drips on the counter as the microwaves dinging.
Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done;
My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I’ve had alI I can stand, I cant take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
Then grins as he chuckles “The eggnog is ready! ”
He looks all around and with total more...

Arkansas Governor Application First name: ___________________Last name(if known): _______________________Address (where you live): Mother's name(list also relation, i. e., sister): __________________Birthdate(yours): ____________________Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )Year of pickup truck: ____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )How far can you throw cow pies? __________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )Wife's name: __________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( )Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )How much smarter than you is more...

What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin and bitchin.
I've been here for hours, I cant stop to rest.
This rooms a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tommorow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
Theres a knock at the door and the telephones ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwaves dinging.
Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had alI I can stand, I cant take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret,
says "Whats taking so long. .. arent you through in more...