Pies Jokes / Recent Jokes

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking
And moanin and bitchin.
I've been here for hours, I cant stop to rest.
This room's a disaster,
Just look at this mess!
Tommorow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings.
Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered,
I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door, and the telephones ringing;
Frosting drips on the counter
As the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven,
Dessert's almost done;
My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

I've had alI I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband,
Spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
Then grins as he chuckles
"The eggnog is ready! "
He looks all around and with total regret,
Says more...

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin and bitchin.
I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered, and cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
Frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done,
My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret,
Says, "What's taking so long.... Aren't you through more...

What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common? The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

It has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them. When I'm out driving around I'll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I'll even see a ram. Up the street from me there's some twins, but I don't see them much. The rest of these things are just too obscure. You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions or scorpions, not many archers and no water bearers. Virgins? The neighborhood's not crawling with them either. SO, what we need here is some relevance. We need things we can recognize up there in the night sky.
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OKRA Dec 22 - Jan 20 Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.
CHITLIN Jan 21 - Feb 19 Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're more...