Piles Jokes

A single man wanted someone to help him with the household chores, so he decided to get a pet to help out. He went to the local pet shop and asks the owner for advice on a suitable animal. The owner suggested a dog, but the man said, "Nah, dogs can't do dishes." The owner then suggested a cat, but the man said, "Nah, cats can't do the ironing" Finally the owner suggests a centipede, "This is the perfect pet for you. It can do anything!" OK, the man thought, I'll give it a try, so he bought it and took it home. Once home he told the centipede to wash the dishes. The centipede looks over and there are piles and piles of dirty dishes that look to be a month old. Five minutes later, all the pots are washed, dried and put away. Great, thought the man. Now he told the centipede to do the dusting and vacuuming. 15 minutes later the house is spotless. Wow, thought the man, so he decided to try another idea. "Go down to the corner and get me the evening more...

Roger is buying his cousin's used motorcycle.
He says, "My God, it's so shiny! It's like new! What's your secret?"
His cousin says, "Well, any time it's about to rain, I coat the chrome with some Vaseline so it won't tarnish. In fact, I won't be needing this any longer, take my tube."
Roger and his girlfriend are going to her parents' house for dinner for the first time, so he goes to pick her up on the motorcycle.
As she's getting on the bike behind him, she says, "Listen, I have to tell you something. My family's a little strange. You can't talk during dinner. If you talk during dinner, you have to do the dishes."
When they walk into her parents' house, not only in the kitchen, but in the dining room, the living room, on the stairs, the back porch, everywhere, there are piles and piles of dirty dishes. They haven't done the dishes in months.
They sit down to eat, and the whole meal, nobody talks.
It's the end of the meal, more...

Mr. Dodgers and the children in the neighbourhood are raking leaves at Mr. Dodger's house. They have three piles of leaves in the back yard, and seven piles of leaves in the front yard. When Mr. Dodgers and the children put all the piles together, how many piles of leaves will they have?
JUST ONE BIG PILE!!!

Firaq Gorakhpuri, the doyen of Urdu shairi, is often pestered by aspiring poets to write prefaces for their works. One such poet who was oversure of himself approached Firaq and by way of self-introduction said:' Firaq Sahib, my poems have been published in all the leading Urdu magazines and journals in the country. No doubt you must have read many of them.'
Firaq replied: All these magazines and journals you speak of also carry advertisements of medicines to cure piles; do you expect me to have read all these?' (Incidentally, Firaq suffered from piles and some of his jokes are about the pain they caused him in his fundament.)
Once at a mushaira, while other poets were reciting their compositions, the cord of Firaq's pajama snapped. When his turn came, he proceeded to recite while sitting down. The crowd clamoured.' Please get up and come to the mike.' Firaq stayed glued to his takia and replied,' Khawateen-o-Hazrat (ladies and gentlemen), the cord of my pajama has snapped. more...

The setting is a well know state university about six or seven years ago in a huge lecture
hall (approximately 1000 students) for a Calculus final.
Apparently this particular calculus teacher wasn't very well liked. He was one of those
guys who would stand at the front of the class and yell out how much time was remaining
before the end of a test, a real charmer. Since he was so busy gallivanting around the room
making sure that nobody cheated and that everyone was aware of how much time they had left
before their failure on the test was complete, he had the students stack the completed
tests on the huge podium at the front of the room. This made for quite a mess, remember
there were 1000 students in the class.
Anyway, during this particular final, one guy entered the test needing a decent grade to
pass the class. His only problem with Calculus was that he did poorly when rushed, and this
guy standing in the front of the room more...