Pills Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a lady went to the doctor's office and told the doctorthat her husband wasn't interested in her any more he justwouldn't have sex with her anymore.So the doctor went into the back of the shop and got a bottle of100 pills. He told her that "if you give your husband one ofthese pills then he would have sex with you." So she bought the pills and took them home. She put one in hisdinner and he ate it. They had sex till midnight. The next dayshe thought it was so good that she wanted some more. so she puttwo in his dinner and they had sex till twelve noon the next day.She thought it was so good that she put all of the pills in hisdinner and he ate it.Three weeks later a little kid was outside screaming and a guywalked up to him and asked him what was wrong. The little kidsaid, "My mom is dead, my sister is pregnant, my asshole hurtsand my dad is in there on the floor saying, 'here kitty kittykitty...'"

An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep.""I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.""Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!""I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!""That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

Once Upon A Time, there was a married woman, and she was not happy about her sex life, so she goes to see her doctor about it. Her doctor gives her some pills and tells her to put one in her husband's glass of water before going to sleep and then HAVE FUN. The woman comes back home and tries it the first night. She puts one pill in her husband's glass of water. And that night they have sex. The next night, the woman was happy but not quite content yet, decides to use two pills. That night their love making was even better then the night before. So the third night she decided that if two pills was great, then she would put all the pills in the glass of water. A week later, the doctor calls her house and asks: "Hello, how's the whole family doing??" The son, who answered the phone, answers: "Well, my Mom's dead, my Sister's pregnant, My ass hurts and my Dad is running around naked outside screaming,' Here KITTY KITTY'."

A woman asked her doctor for birth control pills.
"Ma'am, how old are you?"
"I'm 75."
"What possible need do you have for birth control pills?"
"They help me sleep better."
The doctor looked perplexed, "Just how do birth control pills help you
sleep?"
"I sneak them into my granddaughter's orange juice every morning!"

3 pregnant women were waiting in the doctor's waiting room for an antenatal check-up and were all knitting garments for there respective babies.

Suddenly the first expectant mother stops knitting, checks her watch, pulls a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one...

"What was that?", the other two ask, curiously.

"Calcium tablet. Good for mommy, good for little baby", she replies, patting her stomach affectionately. Satisfied, all 3 continue with their knitting...

5 minutes later, the second one stops knitting, checks her watch, takes a bottle of pills from her handbag and takes one..

"What was that?", the other two enquire.

"Vitamin tablet", she replies, "Good for mommy, good for little baby" and she pats her stomach affectionately. All 3 smile and continue busily with their knitting...

5 minutes later, the last woman stops knitting, checks her watch, more...

Isiah Thomas was rushed to the hospital after overdosing on sleeping pills. Which is the best way to watch a Knicks game.

Doctor these pills you gave me for BO... What's wrong with them? They keep slipping out from under my arms!