Pipe Jokes / Recent Jokes

Banta has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things. He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem.
The vet says, "I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls` eyes will straighten out."
The vet - a 70 year old man - inserts the pipe and blows. The bulls` eyes begin to straighten, but the vet soon looses his breath and the bulls` eyes are crossed again. The vet gives it another try, but looses his breath again.
The vet looks at Banta and says, "You look like a strong man, why don`t you give it a try."
Banta agrees. He then takes the pipe out of the bulls` ass, turns it around, and sticks it back in. He then begins to blow.
"Shit!!!" says the vet. "What in the hell did you do that for?"
Banta replies, "You don`t think I am going to put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on."

An Antartian was driving home on the freeway after work when she was hit by a hailstorm that left her car completely dented all over. She decided to go to a body shop and asked the owner how much he would charge to remove the dents. Seeing that she was an antartian, he winked at his partner, and told her it wouldn't cost anything if she followed his instructions carefully.
She drove home and when her antartian roommate came out of the house she found her friend sitting on the ground at the back of the car blowing really hard in the tail pipe.
"What on earth are you doing" she asked.
Her friend looking up with big smile and a black ring around her mouth said "The man at the body shop told me that I could save a lot of money on repair work if I blew really hard into the tail pipe. he said that all the dents would pop out"
"Daaahhh" said her friend, "but first you have to roll up all the windows!!!"

Someone had kicked a dent in the door of the blonde's car so she took it to a mechanic to get it fixed. The mechanic thought that seeing as she was a blonde, he would joke with her. He told her to take her car home, get behind it, blow on the tail pipe and that would pop the dent out.
So she took her car home and began blowing on the tail pipe when another blonde came up to her and asked what the heck she was doing.
The blonde said, "The mechanic told me to blow on the tail pipe and that would blow the dent in the door right out."
The other blonde shook her head and said, "You dumb blonde, don't you know you have to roll the windows up first!"

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called the plumber.
The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, repaired the pipe,
and handed the doctor a bill for six hundred dollars.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even
make that much as a doctor!"
"Yeah," the plumber replied philosophically, "neither did
I when I was a doctor."

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. 2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe. 3. The I. D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O. D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside. 4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date. 5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N. B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site. 6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe. 7. Pipe over 2 miles (3. 2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the more...

A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to put in his mouth.

Marketing is a foreign language unto itself:
GM cars: Originally sold in Belgium using the slogan, "Body by Fisher," which translated as "Corpse by Fisher."
The Jotter: A pen made by Parker. In some Latin countries, jotter is slang for "jockstrap."
Puffs tissues: In Germany, puff is slang for "whorehouse."
Cue toothpaste: Marketed in France by Colgate-Palmolive until they learned that Cue is also the name of a popular pornographic magazine.
Schweppes Tonic Water: The company changed the name from Schweppes Tonic Water to Schweppes Tonica when they learned that in Italian, "il water" means "the bathroom."
The Ford Caliente: Marketed in Mexico, until Ford found out "caliente" is slang for "streetwalker." Ford changed the name to S-22.
The Rolls-Royce Silver Myst: In German, mist means "human waste." (Clairol's Mist Stick curling iron had the same problem.)
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