Pipe Jokes / Recent Jokes

Banta was driving back from Shimla when there was a terrible hailstorm. Huge hailstones the size of tennis balls pelted his car leaving it full of dents.
He drove to the nearby automotive center and asked what he should do. The mechanic explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least Rs 5,000 to repair. Banta said that was too much and asked if there was some other way to fix it.
He decided to have a little fun and said, "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out."
Banta decided to give it a try before spending that much money. He drove home and was in the garage with his lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when his neighbour Santa came over to visit.
"What are you doing?" asked Santa.
"I'm blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car," explained Banta.
"Well silly, it's not going to work," replied Santa.
"Why not?" asked more...

1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!" 2. Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projector. 3. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into sharp points. 4. Sit in the front and color in your textbook. 5. When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my name, don't wear it out!" 6. Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute". 7. Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his soul would go if he died tomorrow. 8. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder. 9. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 10. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.

A blonde crashed her car multiple times, and it was covered in dents, so she took it to the garage. The mechanic told her to take the car home and blow into the exhaust pipe so all the air pressure inside the car pushes out the dents in the body work. So she went home, and blew into the exhaust, but nothing happened. Then her friend came and asked her what she was doing. "I'm inflating the car by blowing in the exhaust pipe to get rid of these dents". Her friend, also a blonde, replied: "Duh, you're supposed to wind the windows up first"

A blonde was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a really bad hail storm. The hail stones were as big as golf balls and her car gets dented up really bad. The next day she takes it in to a repair shop to have the dents looked at. The repair guy noticing that she is blonde and quite dingy when she speaks, decides to have some fun and tells her to blow into the tail pipe of the car really hard when she gets home, and that doing this will cause all of the dents to pop out. When she gets home she starts blowing into the tail pipe as hard as she can, over and over. Just then, her best friend who also is blonde shows up. Her friend sees her blowing into the tail pipe and is quite startled by the action. She blurts out all flippantly, “What are you doing!? ” She tells her the repair guy told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard and the dents would pop out. Her girlfriend says “Duh! You need to roll up the windows first! ”

Dear Santa,
We're worried about you. From your rosy red cheeks to your legendary girth to your all-night sleigh ride around the world, you may be at risk for diseases, maladies, mishaps and lawsuits that send chills through our Santa-loving hearts.
The latest warning comes from the National Rosacea Society in Barrington, Illinois. Dermatologist Dr. Jerome Litt says you have "a clear-cut case of rosacea," a skin condition that also affects millions of Americans, particularly at middle age. Unable to examine you personally, the good doctor based his finding on a well-circulated report that your "cheeks were like roses, (your) nose like a cherry."
Sadly, many observers conclude that red-skin condition comes from hitting the Christmas-punch bowl a little too hard. Sadder still, rosacea can be aggravated by holiday stress, hot chocolate and overexertion. .. all things you may encounter this time of year.
The one bright note in Dr. Litt's message is more...

Dear Santa,
We're worried about you. From your rosy red cheeks to your legendary girth to your all-night sleigh ride around the world, you may be at risk for diseases, maladies, mishaps and lawsuits that send chills through our Santa-loving hearts.
The latest warning comes from the National Rosacea Society in Barrington, Illinois. Dermatologist Dr. Jerome Litt says you have "a clear-cut case of rosacea," a skin condition that also affects millions of Americans, particularly at middle age. Unable to examine you personally, the good doctor based his finding on a well-circulated report that your "cheeks were like roses, (your) nose like a cherry."
Sadly, many observers conclude that red-skin condition comes from hitting the Christmas-punch bowl a little too hard. Sadder still, rosacea can be aggravated by holiday stress, hot chocolate and overexertion... all things you may encounter this time of year.
The one bright note in Dr. Litt's message is that more...

It was Sunday, when the brain surgeon discovered a huge leak in his basement pipe. He rushed upstairs and called the plumber.

"Triple-A Plumbing? This is an emergency! Get over here quick!"

"Okay, but I charge extra for Sunday emergency service," replied the plumber.

"Anything! Just stop this leak!"

The plumber arrived, took out a tiny wrench from his bag, and lightly tapped the pipe. The leak stopped. The plumber handed the relieved homeowner a bill for $500.00.

"What?" screamed the surgeon. "That's unbelievable! Why, I'm a brain surgeon and I don't make $500 for 5 minutes' work!"

"I know," agreed the plumber. "Neither did I when I was a brain surgeon!"