Pipe Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole.2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe.3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside.4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site.N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site.6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe.7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor more...

A man walks into a hardware store and approaches the sales clerk.

"Do you carry jointed stove-pipes?" the man asks.

The clerk confirms that they do, and the man responds, "Great -- I would like to purchase half of one."

A bit confused and not sure if he heard correctly, the clerk asks the man to repeat his request.

"I would like to purchase half of a jointed stove pipe!"

At this point the clerk is convinced that the man is not very bright, since one half of a jointed stove-pipe is absolutely useless without the other half. Not wanting to offend the man, the clerk says, "I'll have to go talk to my manager about that. I'll be right back."

The clerk rushes to the back, not realizing that the man follows right behind him. The clerk reaches his manager and blurts out, "Some IDIOT up there wants to buy a HALF of a jointed stove pipe!"

At this point, the clerk turns more...

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600. The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!." The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

We're worried about you. From your rosy red cheeks to your
legendary girth to your all-night sleigh ride around the world,
you may be at risk for diseases, maladies, mishaps and lawsuits
that send chills through our Santa-loving hearts.
The latest warning comes from the National Rosacea Society in
Barrington, Illinois. Dermatologist Dr. Jerome Litt says you have
"a clear-cut case of rosacea," a skin condition that also affects
millions of Americans, particularly at middle age. Unable to
examine you personally, the good doctor based his finding on a
well-circulated report that your "cheeks were like roses, (your)
nose like a cherry."
Sadly, many observers conclude that red-skin condition comes from
hitting the Christmas-punch bowl a little too hard. Sadder still,
rosacea can be aggravated by holiday stress, hot chocolate and
overexertion... all things you may encounter this time of year.
The more...

Santa Was Inserting Dog’s Tail Into Pipe.

Banta: Oye, Kutte Ki Dum Kabhi Seedhi Nahi Hoti.

Santa: Idiot, Main To Pipe Bend Kar Raha Hoon.

Santa was inserting dog's tail into pipe.

Banta: Oye, kutte ki dum kabhi seedhi nahi hoti.

Santa: Idiot, main to pipe bend kar raha hoon.

Darwin award is an annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by
killing/injuring themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. This year winner was one of the
few Darwin Award nominees to survive his award-winning accomplishment.
In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer and discharging firearms from the rear
deck of a home owned by Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon that was wandering
by, but the beer apparently impaired their aim and, despite of the estimated 35 shots the group
fired, the animal escaped into a 3 foot diameter drainage pipe some 100 feet away from Mr. Michaels'
deck.
Determined to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of gasoline and poured some down the
pipe, intending to smoke the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite the fuel,
Michaels emptied the entire 5 gallon fuel can down the pipe and tried to more...