Piss Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The seventy-year-old said, "Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour 'cause my pee barely trickles out."
"Heck, that's nothing, " said the eighty year old. "Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It's terrible".
The ninety-year-old said, "You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig. The trouble with me is, I don't wake up till eleven."

Bob is a regular guy and he is out at a local bar one night having a good time. Jack, the bartender and owner of the bar, offered him another drink and as he did Bob spoke up. 'Hey Jack, you're a betting kinda man aren't ya?' 'Maybe Bob, what did ya have in mind.' 'Well Jack, I will bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at the end of your bar and piss into it without spilling a drop.' Jack thought to himself, 'This guy must be a complete moron. There is no way he is gonna make that. This is gonna the easiest grand I've ever made.' 'Okay Bob. you're on.' Jack walked down to the other end of the bar and positioned a shot glass on the end. He walked back behind the bar and said, 'Okay Bob, Let's see what you got.' Bob unzipped his fly and staring pissing all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottle of booze, and all over Jack. Jack roared with laughter and almost fell over. Then he noticed that Bob was sitting at the bar smiling. 'What are you smiling at jackass, you more...

There were 3 boys called Zip Cock and Piss they were at school and their teacher went out the classroom to go to the loo. Zip Cock And Piss decided to annoy the teacher so Zip went on a shelf Cock went in a cuboard and Piss Just messed around the classroom.
their teacher went in and saw all 3 of them and shouted. ZIP DOWN! COCK OUT! PISS IN THE CORNER WITH THE DUNCE HAT ON!!!

Russian Vodka
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle
laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie.
The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I will grant
you one wish, anything that you want."
The Russian begins thinking, "Well I really like drinking vodka."
Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss
vodka."
The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a
glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He looks at the glass and it's
clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So
he takes a taste and it is the best vodka that he has ever tasted.
The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly." She
comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard
and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, that it more...

One day, I'ma go to Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She bring me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand . I wanna two piss onna my plate. She say you better not piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
Later, I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress, she bring me a spoon and knife, but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no understand. I wanna fock onna the table. She say you better not fock onna the table, you sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.
So, I go back to my room inna hotel and there's no shits onna my bed. I call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit onna my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I don't more...

So this Mexican dude was taking a piss on the side of a buildingand this white dude sees him. After the Mexican is done the whiteguy asks him, "How come you Mexicans don't wash your hands afteryou pee?"And the Mexican guy replies, "Because we Mexicans don't piss inour hands"

A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The
marine finishes first and
washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine
says to him: hey, in the
marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss. The
sailor says: yeah well, in
the navy they teach us to not piss on our hands.