Pizza Jokes / Recent Jokes

Whats the difference between a homeless and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it. Yo mama house so small she has to go outside to eat a large pizza. Yo mama house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.

From Harper's Magazine:
Amount of pizza eaten each day in U.S. (acres): 75.

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread." Stutter on the letter "p" Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!) Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise more...

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
Use CB lingo where applicable.
Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
Answer their questions with questions.
In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST, FREE-SPIRITED, COST-EFFICIENT, UKRAINIAN, PUCE.
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them more...

The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on
GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME; the author who introduces the story swears it's true.
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for
medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents
had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza
parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping
all conversations at the hospital.
Agent:
Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man:
And where would you like them delivered?
Agent:
We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
PM:
The psychiatric hospital?
Agent:
That's right. I'm an more...

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
Use CB lingo where applicable.
Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
Answer their questions with questions.
In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them more...