Plans Jokes / Recent Jokes
The best laid plans of mice and men are all filed away somewhere.
1. An official staff visit by LT jg Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel during the visit.
a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office.
b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be; Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."
c. more...
Noah And Today's ArkThe Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months I am goingto make it rain until the whole world is covered with water andall the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few goodpeople and two of every living thing on the planet. I am orderingyou to build an ark." And, in a flash of lightning, he deliveredthe specifications for the ark."OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with theblueprints, "I'm your man.""Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "Youbetter have my ark completed or learn to swim for a long, longtime!"Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain beganto fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting inhis yard, weeping, and there was no ark."Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is My ark?" A lightning boltcrashed into the ground right beside Noah."Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, more...
Dear Mr. Architect,
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.
My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.
Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don`t have nearly enough insulation in them).
As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. more...
Noah was standing by his house one day, when a light came down and a voice said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of animal on the planet. I am ordering you to build an Ark. Here are the plans."
And Noah found that suddenly he had Ark plans in his hands. Noah said he would do as ordered.
"It will begin to rain in six months," said the voice. "You must better have the Ark completed, or you will certainly drown."
After six months, the skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. There was no Ark. Again a light came from the sky.
"Noah, where is my Ark?"
"Forgive me Lord," begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the Ark more...
In the beginning, there was the plan.
And then came the assumptions.
And the assumptions were without form.
And the plan was completely without substance.
The planners told the Chief of Plans: “It’s a crock of shit and it stinks! ”
The Chief of Plans then told the G3: “It’s a pail of dung and none may abide by the odor. ”
The G3 then told Chief of Staff: “It’s a container of excrement and it is very strong such that none may smell it. ”
The Chief of Staff then told the ADC(M): “It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide by its strength. It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong. ”
The ADC(M) told the CG: “It promotes growth and it is very powerful. It will promote the efficiency in the system and victory for the future. ”
And the CG reviewed the plan and said: “This is good. ”
And the plan became an order.
And this is how shit happens.