Plate Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What did one plate say to the other plate? A:(Lunch is on me!)
A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "That new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything - meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient, to which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"
LETTER WRITTEN TO THE MANAGER OF THE Y. M. C. A HOTEL IN LONDON BY A TOURIST
FROM ITALY AFTER HIS RETURN HOME
Roma 29
Sep 1997
The Manager
Y. M. C. A Hotel
LONDON
Dear Signore Direttore
Now I am tella you story wot I was treated at your hotella
I am comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a younga christian
man at your hotella.
When I comma in my room I see there is no shit in my bed-how can I sleep
with no shit in my bed? So I calla down to reception and tella:
"I wanna shit" They tella me: Go to toilet". I say no, I wanta shit in my
bed". They say: You better not shit in your bed, you sonna wa-bitch". What
is sonna wa-bitch?
I go down for breakfast into restorante. I order bacon and eggs and two
pissis of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress, and
point on toast: " I wanta piss". She tells me: "GO to toilet" I more...
Joe and Obie, on a trip to see the ocean, decided to try some of that seafood they had heard so much about back home. At the Captain's Retreat Restaurant, Joe ordered baked flounder and steamed lobster legs and Obie asked for a huge plate of oysters. "What's this OH NATCHREL mean?" he asked the waiter.
"That means we cook the oysters and bring them to you just as they came from the sea," the waiter responded.
Thirty minutes later, Obie began experiencing horrendous stomach cramps so Joe called a taxi and rushed him to the emergency room of a large hospital.
When the examining doctor learned Obie had eaten a plate of oysters less than an hour before, he asked, "Were those oysters fresh?"
"I don't know doc," Obie groaned. "Until today I have never seen an oyster, let alone eat one."
"Well, what color were they when you shelled them?" the doctor asked.
Joe and more...
(Long)
It was the funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me. A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night, which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining them. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.
We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening. I tell you-in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, more...
A mom, Bri, and a son, Jorge, were eating dinner at the dinner table. Jorge pushes his plate away and says, "I'm done."
Bri glances at Jorge's plate and notices he still has a pile of peas on it, "No you don't. Not untill you eat all of your food."
"I don't like peas."
"They are not peas they are green M&M's but the trick is you can't taste the candy untill you swallow them."
Jorge gets excited and sticks a spoon full of peas in his mouth. Then he grabs his glass of milk and takes a drink.
Jorge says, "your right mom they do taste like M&M's. Why don't you try?"
"Who do you think you're kidding?," replies Bri and gives Jorge a sly look.
"Who do YOU think you're kidding?," Jorge says grabbing his glass of milk and pouring the peas out of it onto his plate.
(or will I ever forgive myself?)
They say that the louder you groan at a pun, the better it is and the more jealous you are. My hand is cupped to my ear and I'm listening...
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