Plate Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?" The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious. .. Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, everything." "Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient. To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that. .. there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

One Sunday a pastor asked his congregation to consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had contributed a $1, 000 bill. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation, and said he'd like to personally thank the person who had placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly widow shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.
You think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's tooth.
You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say “We hate Christmas, ” and “Go away Santa. ”
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the more...

1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note
explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a
speeding ticket.
3. Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the
holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
4. While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact
replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to
get them to fly.
5. Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes
crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big,
red Santa suit!
6. Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding
signs that say, "We hate Christmas, and "Go away Santa.
7. Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus
called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a
loaf of bread on his way home.
8. Throw a surprise more...

One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor.
He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him!"

One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people to prayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in the offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.
A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor.
He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.
Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him!"