Pleasure Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?" A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour?"

An old man went to the doctor. He said, "Doctor, I was wondering if you could help me. My wife and I are not getting the same amount of pleasure from sex that we used to.". The doctor looked at the wrinkled old man in surprise, and said, "Can I ask you how old you are, sir?". "I'm 87.", said the old man. "87!", exclaimed the doctor, "How old is your wife?". "She's 92.", was the reply. The doctor was astonished by this, and said, "So let me make sure that I understand this right. You are 87, and your wife is 92 and you are worried that you don't get as much pleasure from sex as you used to?". "That is correct." said the old man, "What can you do to help me?". "Well," said the doctor, "when did you first notice this problem?". The old man looked thoughtful, "I noticed it first last night, but then twice this morning."

Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the
head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two
years
and cost over $180, 000. The results of the study concluded that the
head
of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with
more
pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own
study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the
US
study were incorrect. After three years of research and a cost in
excess
of $250, 000, they concluded thatthe head of a man's
penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more
pleasure during sex.

When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to
conduct their own studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive
research and a cost of right around $75, the Polish study was complete.
The polish more...

The boss was in the process of hiring a temp to fill in while his secretary was off on maternity leave.
When the time came to discuss salary, the boss asked her what she expected to earn.
Thinking for a moment, the temp replied, "The minimum I would be prepared to accept would be $400 per week."
Finding this quite acceptable, the boss replied, "I'll pay you that amount with pleasure."
"Oh, I'm sorry sir," she said, "with pleasure that would be $600."

Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years... I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in themorning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. - -Frank SinatraThe problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. - -William Butler YeatsAn intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools. - -Ernest HemingwayAlways do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. - -Ernest HemingwayYou're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - -Dean MartinDrunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. - -AnonymousNo animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink. - -G. K. ChestertonTime is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. - -Catherine ZandonellaAbstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. - -Ambrose BierceReality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol. - more...

In 1993, the University of Kentucky did a study to see why the head of a man's penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and $80,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the study was published, the University of South Carolina decided to do their own study. After $250,00000, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

The University of Virginia, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

Q. Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A. Because they can't get their head in the jar.
Q. What's a blonde's favorite wine?
A. "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
Q. What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A. A wine cellar.
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A. Frosted Flakes.
Q. How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on her.
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for french fries.
Q. How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1. 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2. Three... one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.
A3. Two... one to make batter and one to peel the M&Ms.
Q. Why don't blondes double recipes?
A. The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.
Q. Why don't blondes breast feed?
A. Because they always burn their nipples.
Q. Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
A. Because they can't more...