Plumbing Jokes

This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he's fine. Getting him out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

My husband, Rich, and I had just returned from a vacation in the Cayman Islands, where I had been sick as a dog the whole time, trying to convince myself that if I had to feel lousy, it was better to do it in paradise. We had arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later than we had planned because of airline problems. I still had illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays, had not been able to prepare the class I was supposed to teach at 8:40 the next morning. I sat down at my desk to think and around ten more...

Plumbing Problems? Call RENT-A-JOHN! We have all types of portable johns to help solve your waste disposal crisis.
Eight Comfortable Models to Select From:
Dear John
(the double seater)
Head of the Class
(our campus special)
Johnny-Come-Lately
(six months of free suppositories)
Johnny-on-the-Spot
(fast operation model)
Farmer's Haven
(need we say more?)
Johnny-Jump-Up
(with floral motif)
Johnny-Be-Good
(a toilet-training favorite with parents)
Can-Can
(comes with bidet; imported from France)
Contact RENT-A-JOHN, a subsidiary of JOHNS-R-US
Number 2, Relief Prospect
Flushing, NY

There was a young actress from Crewe,
Who remarked as the vicar withdrew,
The Bishop was quicker
and thicker and slicker,
and two inches longer than you.
***
There was a young vampire called mable,
whose periods were always quite stable,
at every full moon
she took out a spoon,
and drank herself under the table.
***
There was a young plumber from Lee,
who was plumbing his girl with great glee,
she said stop your plumbing,
I think someones coming,
said the plumber still plumbing "its me"!
***
A kinky young girl from Coleshill,
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill,
They found her vagina,
in North Carolina,
and bits of her tits in Brazil.
***
There was a young man from Pitlocherie,
making love to his girl in the rockery,
she said look you've cum,
all over my bum,
This isn't a shag it's a mockery.
***
There was a young lassie from Morton,
who had one long more...