Comfort Jokes

This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he's fine. Getting him out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

My husband, Rich, and I had just returned from a vacation in the Cayman Islands, where I had been sick as a dog the whole time, trying to convince myself that if I had to feel lousy, it was better to do it in paradise. We had arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later than we had planned because of airline problems. I still had illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays, had not been able to prepare the class I was supposed to teach at 8:40 the next morning. I sat down at my desk to think and around ten more...

Over the weekend, I left Mumbai on Western Express Highway heading towards Pune, when I decided to stop at a comfort station.
The first toilet was occupied, so I went into the second one. I was no sooner seated than I heard a voice from the next toilet:
"Hi, how are you doing?"

Well, I am not the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort stations, and I really don't know quite what possessed me, but anyway, I answered, a little embarrassed: "Not bad."
And the stranger said: "And, what are you up to?"
Talk about your dumb questions! I was really beginning to think this was too weird! So I said: "Well, just like you I am driving to Pune?"

Then, I heard the stranger, all upset, say: "Look, I'll call you right back, there is some idiot in the next toilet answering all the questions I am asking you. Bye!"

A nun and a priest decide to go on a mission to preach about their religion. Unfortunately to reach everyone they have to go accross the desert. So they buy this cheap camel from a used camel dealer and start their journey. After about three days of crossing the desert they settle in for another nights sleep. In the morning they discover that the camel has died. With no other way to cross the desert they both accept their fate and look forward to meeting the heavens. In order to comfort the nun the priest gives her last rites and preaches.
To further comfort her he asks,"Sister is there any question I can answer you before we parish? Any mystery I can solve?"
The nun says, " I have one question, what is a penis?" The priest explains that it is the male sex organ and can also be referred to as a dick or cock.
The nun says, "Really, what is it used for?"
And the priest replies, "It is used to create life!!!"
With a shocked more...

There are three moms, a Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.
They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed"
They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.
Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest unless acted upon by some outside force such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct
proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as
uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach any countertop that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat more...