Plus Jokes / Recent Jokes
Someone out there either has too much spare time or is really deadly at Scrabble. Using each letter only once, and having no letters left over:
GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
DORMITORY: DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN: BEST IN PRAYER
THE MORSE CODE: HERE COME DOTS
ANIMOSITY: IS NO AMITY
MOTHER-IN-LAW: WOMAN HITLER
SNOOZE ALARMS: ALAS! NO MORE Z ' S
A DECIMAL POINT: I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES: THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO: TWELVE PLUS ONE
SLOT MACHINES: CASH LOST IN ME
Reality show stars Jon and Kate Gosselin of TLC's "Jon & Kate plus 8" are finally getting a divorce after months of feuding.
There will be a new reality show to cover the divorce proceedings, to be called "Jon & Kate plus 8 Jewish attorneys."
Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:
1. A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved.
2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.
3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.
4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.
5. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.
6. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.
7. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.
8. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.
9. The capacity of any hot water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers.
10.What goes up must come down, except more...
There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the matter.1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you know what 2 plus 2 is? 3rd Irishman: Hmmm... could it be Wednesday, perhaps? 1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you Pat, do you know? 4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?! 4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from Wednesday!
Boredom should NEVER be an symptom in your life. All you need to do is read this list and Rock-N-Roll!
WARNING: Some of these may result in people chasing you. Always wear tennis shows and have your escape route planned out :)
1: Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU think!"
2: Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route entire streets.
(This one is especially useful if you're having a yard sale!)
3: Ask people what gender they are. When they reply, ask - "are you sure?"
(Not recommended at Biker Bars)
4: Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and repeatedly saying "blah, blah, blah, blah".
5: Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
(Works even better if your rent a cop uniform.)
6: Go to your local mall. Walk up to strangers and say: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's more...
Boredom should NEVER be an symptom in your life. All you need to do is read this list and Rock-N-Roll! WARNING: Some of these may result in people chasing you. Always wear tennis shows and have your escape route planned out :)1: Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what YOU think!"2: Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re-route entire streets.(This one is especially useful if you're having a yard sale!)3: Ask people what gender they are. When they reply, ask - "are you sure?"(Not recommended at Biker Bars)4: Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and repeatedly saying "blah, blah, blah, blah".5: Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.(Works even better if your rent a cop uniform.)6: Go to your local mall. Walk up to strangers and say: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." If they answer you, go to plan 4 more...