Poison Jokes / Recent Jokes
Man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man anxiously says, "Yes."
"Take the poison," says the Rabbi.
Stumpy prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving. In his haste, however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. He was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. He called the local Poison Control Center and voiced his concern. They advised Stumpy to boil the sauce again.That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. Stumpy's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?" The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says,
"Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?" The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."
Jim: Joe, I hear you just got married again. Joe: Yes, for the fourth time.
Jim: What happened to your first three wives? Joe: They all died, Jim.
Jim: How did that happen? Joe: My first wife ate poison mushrooms.
Jim: How terrible! And your second? Joe: She ate poison mushrooms.
Jim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too? Joe: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck.
Jim: I see, an accident. Joe: Not exactly. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.
Jim: Joe, I hear you just got married again. Joe: Yes, for the fourth time.Jim: What happened to your first three wives? Joe: They all died, Jim.Jim: How did that happen? Joe: My first wife ate poison mushrooms.Jim: How terrible! And your second? Joe: She ate poison mushrooms.Jim: And your third ate poison mushrooms too? Joe: Oh, no. She died of a broken neck.Jim: I see, an accident. Joe: Not exactly. She wouldn't eat her mushrooms.
Hate is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.
DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP:
#1 - LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to remove a bees' nest from a shed on their property with the aid of a pineapple. A pineapple is an illegal firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of one half stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated to watch from inside their home, behind a window some 10 feet away from the hive/shed. The concussion of the explosion shattered the window inwards, seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki needed stitches, the brothers headed out to go to a nearby hospital. While walking towards their car, Ani was stung three times by the surviving bees. Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was allergic to bee venom, and died of suffocation en-route to the hospital.
#2 - Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis with third- degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a more...