Poker Jokes / Recent Jokes

A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker. “I win!” said Johnson. Henderson threw down his cards. “That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is cheating!!!”“How can you tell?” Phillips asked.“Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!”

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Poker!
Poker who?
Poker and see if she's awake!

Monty Stein, in the year 3047, committed quite a heist and made off with quite a tidy sum. He was eventually caught, and the judge sentenced him to seven years imprisonment.
However, the night before his impending incarceration, he calmly set his time machine for seven years and one day, and stepped through.
When he emerged in 3054, there was quite an uproar. Prosecution maintained that Monty Stein never actually served the sentence, since effectively no time passed for him.
Defense stated that the effect was basically the same, since he lost seven years of living in society, or something to that effect.
Both sides called each other names (as lawyers are wont to do).
Eventually, Stein was set free. Some say that the judge succumbed to peer pressure; others said that he simply couldn't resist the temptation.
For his decision, in full, was: "A NICHE IN TIME SAVES STEIN." (By Isaac Asimov)
The cartoon characters were playing draw poker between the more...

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete theirplaying time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is."Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"Rippington says, "I'll tell him."

One night a boy wakes up and goes into his parents room and they're having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says "we're playing poker" and the mother says "& I'm his partner". He then goes into his grandparents room and asks what they're doing. The grandfather says "We're playing poker" and the grandmother says "& I'm his partner". He then goes into his brothers room and he's wanking. He asks what he's doing. The brother says "I'm playing poker". The other brother asks why he doesn't have a partner and the brother replies, "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand! "

One evening during a poker game, a man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised herself as a man and was able to join the army. "But, wait a minute," said one listener. "Your sister will have to dress with the boys and shower with them, too. Won't she?" "Sure," replied the man. "Well, won't they find out?" asked another poker player. The first man shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Sure. But who is gonna tell?"