Polak Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Polak wanted to learn how to sky dive. He got an instructor andstarted lessons. The instructor told the Polak to jump out of theplane and pull his rip cord. The instructor then explained that hehimself would jump out right behind him so that they would go downtogether. The Polak understood and was ready. The time came to have the Polak jump from the air plane. Theinstructor reminded the Polak that he would be right behind him. ThePolak proceeded to jump from the plane and after being in the airfor a few seconds pulled the rip cord. The instructor followed byjumping from the plane. The instructor pulled his rip cord but theparachute did not open. The instructor, frantically trying to gethis parachute open, darted past the Polak. The Polak seeing this yelled, as he undid the straps to hisparachute, "So you wanna race, eh?"

A Polak went to a carpenter and said, "Can you build me a box thatis two inches high, two inches wide, and fifty feet long?" "Hmm..." mused the carpenter. "It could be done, I suppose, but whatwould you want a box like that for?" "Well, you see," said the Polak, "my neighbor moved away and forgotsome things, so he asked me to send him his garden hose."

A Polak saw a priest walking down the street. Noticing his collar, he stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but why are you wearing your shirt backwards?" The priest laughed, "Because, my son, I am a Father!"The Polak scratched his head. "But I am a father too, and I don't wear my shirt backwards!"Again the priest laughed. "But I am a Father of thousands!"To which the Polak replied, "Well then you should wear your shorts backwards!"

A Polak wanted to join an amateur baseball team. The coach looked him over and decided to give him a chance." I will give you three questions," said the coach. "If you come back in a week and answer them all correctly, you're on the team." "Fair enough!" said the Polak eagerly. The coach proceeded, "Here are your questions. First, how many days are there in a week that start with the letter' T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year? And third, how many d's are there in' Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer?'"Next week, the Polak came back, feeling all confident that he knew the right answers. So again the coach said, "So how many days in the week that start with' T'?" The Polak said, "Two!""Very good!" said the coach. And what are they?" "Today and Tomorrow!""Hmm... OK," said the coach." How many seconds are there in a year?" "Twelve!""Twelve? How did you come up more...

This Polak came home one day from work, hung up his coat, took off his hat and walked into his bedroom shouting "honey I am home!"What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife. Infuriated, he rushed to the cupboard, pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing." Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!"

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Polak, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?" The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Polak, "What do you want on your back?" "I will take nothing!" says the Polak, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch." What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American. He responds, "I'll take the Polak!"

An American is walking down the street when he sees a Polak with a very long pole and a yardstick. He's standing the pole on its end and trying to reach the top of it with his yardstick. Seeing the Polak's ignorance, the American wrenches the pole out of his hand, lays it on the sidewalk, measures it with the yardstick, and says, "There! 10 feet long." The Polak grabs the yardstick and shouts, "You idiot American! I don't care how long it is! I want to know how high it is!"