Poles Jokes / Recent Jokes

For fainting: rub the person's chest, or if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.
For drowning: climb on top of the person and move up and down to make artificial perspiration.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
For snakebites: bleed the wound and rape the victim in a blanket for shock.
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
When water freezes you can walk on it. That is what Christ did long ago in more...

Q: How many Poles does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!

A Russian party-official arrives late at night to his hotel (in Russia). He is not surprised to find that his reservation has been mislaid but he is more than a little peeved that his status in the party isn`t enough to get him a good room anyway. However, the clerk insists, the only bed they have left is the fourth bunk in a 4-bed dorm - he`ll have to make do with that. The Russian grumbles but eventually he picks up his suitcase and heads for the dorm. On his way, he meets a chamber-maid and thinking he might as well try to make friends with his room-mates, he asks her to bring them four cups of tea.
As he enters the dorm, he finds that the other three guests are Polish, they are having a fairly wild party and they`re very drunk. They also ignore him totally from the moment he enters. After sitting there for several minutes, he realises he can`t stand them anymore and decides to pull a joke on them. He stands up, grasps a floor lamp and speaking into the light-bulb as if it more...

This one may be old on the net (I certainly heard it a number of years ago),
but in case you haven't heard it before, here goes a story the Polish tell
about Russians...
A Russian party-official arrives late at night to his hotel (in Russia). He
is not surprised to find that his reservation has been mislaid but he is
more than a little peeved that his status in the party isn't enough to get
him a good room anyway. However, the clerk insists, the only bed they have
left is the fourth bunk in a 4-bed dorm-he'll have to make do with that.
The Russian grumbles but eventually he picks up his suitcase and heads for
the dorm. On his way, he meets a chamber-maid and thinking he might as well
try to make friends with his room-mates, he asks her to bring them four cups
of tea.
As he enters the dorm, he finds that the other three guests are Polish, they
are having a fairly wild party and they're very drunk. They also ignore him
totally from more...

Two Poles, Markowski and Krachevski go to France on a pleasure trip. They meet this Frenchman called Jean Paul and become good pals. Jean Paul finds these two Poles some-what amusing and so he goes all out to make them happy. He treats them at pubs, bars, discotheques. This goes on for a while until one fine day Jean Paul does not turn up. The Poles assume that some important work would have held him up and do not take a serious note of it. But, perhaps something was serious as Jean Paul does not turn up for next five days. At this the Poles get alarmed and go to the police station to lodge a report. The inspector asks them to give details of the person who's missing. The following conversation follows: Markowski: Well, his name is Jean Paul. Inspector: It's a very common name in France. Something more please. Krachevski: Well, he is very tall. Inspector: Most of the people in France are tall. Big deal. Markowski: Well, he's got blue eyes. Inspector: Oh! no. Something more more...

Poland, in the days before democracy settled down, went through times as bad as anywhere in Europe. After centuries of occupation by so many nations, being free from the Russian yoke was a weird experience; Poland emerged blinking into the bright lights of democracy and freedom.

Of course it was not like that at all; Poles knew what freedom was, and took to it like children in a sweet shop. But there were problems, and the shortages did not disappear overnight. .. So when his last light bulb burned out, Old Stefan knew he'd have to stand in line for two hours at the store (and there would probably be none left by the time he got to the front of the queue). So he went up into his attic and started rummaging around for an old oil lamp he vaguely remembered from decades ago.

He found the old brass lamp in a corner, stained with grime of ages. He started to polish it and a Genie appeared in cloud of smoke.

"Hello, Mortal!" said the Genie, more...

A foreman sent out two groups of men to put up telephone poles along a new highway and asked them to report at the end of the day. The crews were gone all day and returned just as the sun was setting. The foreman asked the leader of the first group how many poles they had installed. The reply was eleven. The foreman patted the guy on the back and said, "Not bad." Then he went to the leader of the next group and asked him the same question. Two was the reply. "Two! All you installed were two?! The other group installed eleven!" The foreman exclaimed angrily. "Yeah," the leader answered, "But you should have seen how much they left sticking out!"