Police Jokes / Recent Jokes

At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.
American: "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police."
Russian: "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."

Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."

Don't steal a police car unless you're prepared to floor it all the way to Mexico.

When a blonde came home from work one day she found her house had been robbed. She called the police and they posted it on the news. A local K9 unit got to her house first. A policeman with his dog came and the blonde, sitting on her front porch, shook her head and said, "I come home to find all my belongings have been taken. I call the police, and what do they give me? A BLIND policeman".

A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window and asks, "You drinkin'?" The driver said, "You buyin'?"

A very large, old, building was being torn down in Chicago to make room for a new skyscraper. Due to its proximity to other buildings it could not be imploded and had to be dismantled floor by floor. While working on the 49th floor, two construction workers found a skeleton in a small closet behind the elevator shaft. They decided that they should call the police.
When the police arrived they directed them to the closet and showed them the skeleton fully clothed and standing upright. They said "This could be Jimmy Hoffa or somebody really important".
Two days went by and the construction workers couldn't stand it any more, they had to know who they had found. They called the police and said: "We are the two guys who found the skeleton in the closet and we want to know if it was Jimmy Hoffa or somebody important".
The police said "It's not Jimmy Hoffa, but it was somebody kind of important".
"Well, who was it?"
"The more...

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don`t look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it`s aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it`s the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. more...