Polish Jokes / Recent Jokes

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb. Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days. Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally. No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off. Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected). If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and more...

Poland sent its top team of scientists to attend the international science convention, where all the countries of the world gathered to compare their scientific achievements and plans.The scientists listened to the United States describe how they were another step closer to a cure for cancer, and the Russians were preparing a space ship to go to Saturn, and Germany was inventing a car that runs on water. Soon, it was the Polish scientists' turn to speak."Well, we are preparing a space ship to fly to the sun."This, of course was met with much ridicule.They were asked how they planned to deal with the sun's extreme heat. "Simple, we're going at night!"

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.
Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.
Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.
Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.
No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.
Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).
If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling more...

Three men were all applying for the same job as a detective. One was Polish, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. Rather than ask the standard questions during the interview, the chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked, "Who killed Jesus Christ?"The Jewish man answered without hesitation "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.When the Polish man arrived for his interview, he was asked the exact same question. He thought for a long time, before saying, "Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said, "OK, but get back to me tommorrow."When the Polish man arrived home, his wife asked "How did The interview go?" He more...

Q: Why do Polish hate Cauchy's dog? (hint on Cauchy-Riemann theorem) A: Because it leaves residues at each Pole.

Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and more...

There are three guys who are good friends. One is an American, one
is Polish, and one is Italian.
They are driving together one day when they get into a car accident. They all die and float up towards the gates of Heaven.
When they get there, an angel who tells them they are all on the border of Heaven and Hell. As a result, they have the choice to either ask a question of the angel or be asked a question. If they answer correctly, or if the angel answers incorrectly on their question, they will pass into Heaven.
The Italian guy goes first. He tells the angel to ask him a question. The angel says, "How many grains of sand are there in the world?" The Italian guy says, "Um, four trillion?" and falls straight to Hell.
The polish guy goes next and wants the angel toe ask a question. The angel says, "How many drops of water are there in all of the world's oceans?" He says, "Uh, ninety-eight billion?" and also falls straight to more...