Polish Jokes / Recent Jokes
POLISH MEDICAL TERMNINOLOGY FOR THE LAYMANartery- the study of fine painting barium- what you do when the patient dies beneign - what you are after you are eight cesarean section- a district in Rome colic- a sheep dog congenital - friendly dilate - to live long fester - quicker G.I. series - baseball game between soldiers hangnail - coat hook medical staff - a doctors cane minor operation - coal digger morbid - a higher offer nitrate - lower than the day rate node - was aware of organic - church musician out-patient - a person who has fainted post-operative - a letter carrier protein - in favor of young people secretion - hiding anything serology - study of English knighthood tablet - a small table tumor - an extra pair urine - opposite of your out varicose veins - veins very close together
Stosh and Stan were recently laid off when they decided to rob a bank. They planned for weeks so that everything would go smoothly when the heist took place. Stosh's job was to crack open the safe and detain the manager and Stan's job was to grab the money from the safe and the teller windows.
When the robbery took place, Stan gathered up all the money from the tellers but when he got to the safe, it was all tied up and the manager had a strange look on his face.
"STOSH!" Stan cried out. "I said BLOW THE SAFE and TIE UP THE MANAGER."
(For those of non-Polish descent, Stosh and Stan are well known "old world" Polish names)
Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one.
The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said, "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."
"Why not?"
"I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."
Britain decided it was time to switch left lane traffic to right lane traffic, as everywhere in Europe.
So they gather to plan the whole thing and nobody seems to come up with any viable solution, so they send out some help-me type faxes.
A couple of days later, answers come back. The French fax read: "As your neighbours, we are deeply touched you requested our help, etc. etc, but we have no idea at all how to do it".
The German fax read: "We are Germany, the most organized country in Europe, but we have not had this problem before and we do not know how to handle it".
The Polish fax read: "As you know, we are Poland, a country that has done a lot on the path towards democracy and economic resuscitation. We have a great deal of experience in such transition processes. But, as to overcome the inherent difficulties and to avoid social problems, any and all transitions must be done gradually.
So, it is our proposal to handle the situation more...
Q: Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side? A: So the cops can find the handles.
Q: Did you hear about the Polish guy that locked his keys in his car? A: Took him an hour using a coat hanger to get his family out. Q: Why do Polish dogs have flat noses? A: From chasing parked cars. Q: What did the Polish mother say when her daughter said she was pregnant? A: "Are you sure it's yours?" Q: You go to a cockfight. How can you identify the Polish guy? A: He's the one with a duck. Q: How do you know if an Italian is there? A: He bet on the duck. Q: How do you know if the Mafia is there? A: The duck wins. In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours! A 12-year-old boy walks up to his Polish neighbor and says, "I was looking in your bedroom window last night and I saw you and your wife naked! Nyah, nyah, nyah." The guy answers, "The joke's on you, Johnny... Nyah, nyah, nyah--I wasn't even home last night!"... and finally: Q: How do you keep a Polak in suspense?
Following the assault of a young woman, the police rounded up the usual suspects for a lineup.
Suddenly, the Polish suspect stepped forward and screamed "That's her!!"