Politician Jokes / Recent Jokes
Question: What is the difference between a politician and a dacoit?
Answer: A dacoit robs first and then goes to jail; a politician goes to jail first and then commits robbery.
A surgeon, an architect, and a politician were considering the question of whose profession was the oldest. "I think my line of work would win this one hands down," the surgeon said. "After all, Eve was created from Adam's rib, and that sounds like surgery to me." "Maybe," the architect said, "but before Adam, order was created out of chaos. That was an architectural accomplishment." "Sure," the politician said. "But before that, someone had to create the chaos."
A young politician, eager to gather votes, accepted the invitation of a local woman's club to speak on the subject of sex. However, fearing that his wife wouldn't understand, he told her that he planned to lecture on sailing.
A week after the speech, his wife ran into one of the ladies of the club who mentioned how entertaining his talk had been.
"I just can't understand it," said the wife, "he knows so little about it."
"Come on, darling, don't be coy. His talk showed intimate acÂquaintance with the subject," said the matron.
"But he's only tried it twice," protested the wife. "The first time he lost his hat and the second he became seasick."
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened.
When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"
"Honestly?"
The politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, Ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"
At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for mayor, "Your former secretary said publicly that you have a small penis... Would you please comment on this?"
"The truth really is," replied the politician, "That she has a big mouth."
Advice on baby care - your questions answered.
(From a Nutworks post by Jon Partington)
QUESTION. I am the father of a two-month old baby and he is fascinated by a Helium balloon that we have bought him. It is called Mr Smiley and has a smiling face on one side, with the words 'Don't worry'. He keeps playing with the thing, tugging on the string and letting the balloon rise again. However what is worrying me is that he seems more interested in Mr Smiley than he is in me: also he seems to resemble Mr Smiley very strongly, in that he is fat, full of wind, and smiles a lot in an enigmatic way. Is it possible that my wife has committed adultery with Mr Smiley, & the baby is not my son at all?
ANSWER. This is highly improbable. The baby probably likes Mr Smiley because he comes when the baby pulls him. You could try bobbing up and down above the cot, smiling vacuously. Pretend you are a politician running for office, Maybe.
QUESTION. My baby is only one month old and can more...
A politician will stand for what he thinks people will fall for.