Politician Jokes / Recent Jokes
Four friends whose careers were an architect, a surgeon, a politician and an anesthetist met regularly for a monthly discussion.
This month’s topic was whose profession was the oldest. The surgeon opened the discussion by stating that in the good book it says that the lord took a rib from Adam and created woman, that, my friends, requires the skill of a surgeon, the greatest of them all, so therefore it follows that my profession is the oldest.
Then the anesthetist looked at the surgeon and said my friend you have got it wrong, before surgery can take place the patient must be put to sleep, that requires the skills of an anesthetist, the greatest of them all so I claim that my profession is the oldest.
Then the architect looked at the surgeon and the anesthetist and countered them with the fact that before anything existed there was nothing but organized chaos, every thing had to be planned, blueprinted, and built, that my friends takes the skills of more...
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it."
"But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
"This is my position, and I will not compromise!"
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!" "Honestly?" The politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"
An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.
He asked, "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?"
The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house, the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees," he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over more...
Q. Why is Barack Obama so thin and scrawny? A. If he were any heavier he wouldn’t be able to walk on water.
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Jewish women are marrying for love.
Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.
Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
Obama met with small businesses to discuss the Stimulus Package: GE, Pfizer and Citigroup.
McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
A truckload of Americans got caught sneaking into Mexico.
The most highly-paid job is now jury duty.
People in Africa are donating money to Americans.
Motel Six won't leave the light on.
The Mafia is laying off judges.
And finally...
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh great... the guy who made $50 billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $750 billion disappear.