Politics Jokes / Recent Jokes

Advanced medicine.
A British doctor says "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a brain out of one man, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor says, "That's nothing, we can take a brain out of one person, put it in another and have him preparing for war in four weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind, we just took a man with no brain out of the desert of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work, and the other half is preparing for war."

Q: What does Hilary Clinton do every morning after she washes and shaves her pussy?
A: Puts a tie on him and sends him to work.

To all those Freshman note takers out there....here's an example of good
note taking :-)...
How to Take Notes
WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:
"Probably the greatest quality
of the poetry of John Milton, who
was born in 1608, is the combination
of beauty and power. Few have
excelled him in the use of the
English language, or for that
matter, in lucidity of verse form,
'Paradise Lost' being said to be
the greatest single poem ever
written."
YOU WRITE:
John Milton-born 1608
WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:
"When Lafayette first came to
this country, he discovered
America. The Americans needed his
help if their cause was to survive,
and this he promptly supplied them."
YOU WRITE:
Lafayette discovered America
WHEN PROFESSOR MITCHELL SAYS:
"Current historians have come to
doubt the complete advantageousness
of some of Roosevelt's policies"
YOU more...

One morning Bill Clinton looked out of the Oval Office window and noticed someone had urinated "BILL SUCKS" in the snow. Furious, he ordered the FBI to take handwriting and urine samples from everyone in the White House and find the culprit immediately.
A few days later, the FBI Director called Bill and said, "Mr. President, I have good news and bad news. The good news is the urine belongs to Al Gore."
"And the bad news?" Clinton demanded.
The Director paused for a moment and replied, "Sir, the handwriting is Hillary's!"

All that's left of your Olympic fever is a dry hacking cough
You imagine your hands around the throat of that Coke-drinking polar bear
You say, "Oh good, 'Hangin' with Mr. Cooper' is on tonight"
Whenever the Olympic theme music ends you find you've put another fork into the back of your hand
You're NBC President Warren Littlefield
You decide against naming your baby girl Picabo
Your name is Bonnie Blair and you've starting using your five gold medals as coasters
Actually watched "The Jackson Family Honors"
You beg your son to let you return to Indiana
(Dave's mom is stationed in Lillehammer as the Olympic correspondent for the Late Show)
No longer laugh at the name Gillooly

Lots of Republicans (particularly in Virginia), ecstatic over Patriot [P-a-t-r-i-o-t] [Pardoned And Termed Respectable Instead Of Tarnished] Oliver North's nomination for the VA senator's race, are shouting: OLLIE - LULLIA!

It started out as just a simple fender-bender but a couple of hours later the driver, Chinnamma Sebastian, 49, Philadelphia, PA, wound up in a hospital in critical condition with multiple injuries. Sebastian stood in a grassy area near the location of the minor accident and watched as her car was hooked to the flatbed of a tow truck, when suddenly the 1988 Mercedes went into reverse and rolled off. The car ran over her and hit the tow truck driver, who suffered minor injuries. It finally stopped when it hit another tow truck.