Politics Jokes / Recent Jokes

A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were asked if they would ever sleep with President Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'

Build an Ark The Lord said to Noah, "In six months, I'm going to make it rain until the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the blueprints for the ark." Six months passed. The skies began to cloud and rain began to fall. Noah sat in his front yard, weeping. "Why haven't you built the ark?" asked the Lord. "Oh, forgive me," said Noah. "I did my best, but so many things happened. "The blueprints you gave me didn't meet the city's code and I had to change them. Then the city said I was violating the zoning ordinance by building an ark in my front yard, so I had to get a varience.. "The Forest Service required tree-cutting permits, and I was sued by a state animal rights group when I tried to gather up the animals. "The EPA required an environmental impact statement concerning the flood. the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed more...

Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, goes by the nickname' Bibi'.

His wife, in contrast to most Israeli' first ladies', takes a more activist role in her country's affairs.

At some point in the ongoing peace process with the' Palestinians' there will be a fomal conference complete with state dinners. The press is dying be on hand to hear Mrs. Netanyahu lean towards Mr. Arafat and motioning towards her husband intone:

'Yasir, that's my Bibi'

What do the Green Bay Packers and Monica have in common???
They both blew the big one.

Trying to win over the liberals in his congregation, the right wing preacher said at the end of his sermon, "And if a plane went down carrying the leaders of both parties, in that act, whom do you thing the good Lord will have saved?"
A small voice from somewhere in the congregation said, "The country?"

There are three high school -aged boys walking down the street in Washington,
D.C. Suddenly, they see Bill Clinton go jogging by, and he is about to be hit by
a car. So, they pull Bill out of the way and save his life.
Bill says, "Thank you for saving my life. I will grant each of you one wish."
The first boy says, "I want to go to Georgetown." Bill pulls some strings and
gets the boy admitted.
The second boy says, "I want to get into West Point, but it normally requires a
Congressional appointment." Bill calls up his Democratic friends in Congress and
gets the boy his appointment.
The third boy says, "I want to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery."
Bill says, "That is an odd request for a 17-year-old!"
The boy says, "Yes, but when my father finds out I saved your life he is going
to kill me!"

Butterball Turkey Talk-Line...
Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff have had their share of memorable calls - inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. Its hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck (''Will it cook faster if I drive faster?''), but some of these come pretty close. Warning: do not attempt to adjust your screen - these are real incidents, true stories - from the front lines!
Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and more distraught. After more...