Pond Jokes / Recent Jokes

(This joke tends to be better spoken.)
This guy had three kittens who liked to play in the guy's pond in his front yard. One day, they all fell in and started drowning. Luckily, the guy was outside and was able to save them. He told them that they better be careful because he might not be there to save them.
Sure enough, the next day, they were out playing in the pond and fell in. Some guy down the street saw them and rushed to try to save them, but was too late. So, he went to the door, and when the owner answered, the guy said, "Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinque."

A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.
The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my only hope." The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your problem."
The man's more...

Moses and Jesus are part of a threesome playing golf one day...
Moses pulls up to the tee and drives a long one. The ball lands on the fairway, but rolls directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It lands right in the center of the pond and kind of hovers over the water. Jesus casually walks out on the pond and chips the ball right up onto the green.
Then the third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there, it bounces onto the roof of a shack close by and rolls down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hits a little stone and bounces out over the water more...

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.
The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, more...

Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.
The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there, it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond.
On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested more...

A black man's walking thru the jungle, hands scraping the ground, when all of a sudden he hears a distant sound.... ChangLingWang, WungChonLee "What da fuck was that?" he says to himself. Then he keeps on strolling through the jungle. A few seconds later, he hears it again! Only much louder... PoeMangFu, WongTonChi All of a sudden he comes across an open clearing, in the jungle, and he sees a beautiful pond about 50 ft. in front of him. And standing on the edge of the pond, he sees an Asian man. He then proceeds to walk towards this Asian and once upon him, he asks him whether he knows where that particular sound from the jungle is coming from.
"OOhhh, yes. You see, this is a magic pond that tell you your ANCESTORS names by skipping a rock on it. Watch and listen." With that, the Asian throws the rock, and as it skips, the mystical noise is heard once again... WooLangChing, HungWongLo The Asian then offers the black man a try, and hands him a rock. And with more...

Three ducks arrive at the Police station. In deciding why they’re here, a police officer goes up to the first duck and says ”What’s your name?? ” The duck replies ”Quack”. The police officer then asks ”And why are you here? ? ” The duck says ”For blowing bubbles in the pond. ” ”Blowing bubbles in the pond!! That’s illegal!! That’s a $50. 00 fine!! ” The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the second duck and says ”What’s your name?? ” The duck replies ”Quack Quack”. The police officer then asks ”And why are you here?? ” The duck says ”For blowing bubbles in the pond. ” ”Blowing bubbles in the pond!! That’s illegal!! That’s a $50. 00 fine!! ” The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the third duck and says ”And your name must be Quack Quack Quack. ” And the duck replies ”No, it’s Bubbles. ”