Pond Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three ducks were swimming in a pond after midnight and were arrested for trespassing. The next morning, they were called to appear in court. The judge called in duck number one and said, "What where you doing in the pond after midnight?"
"I was blowing bubbles." The judge then called in duck number two and asked him the same question. "Judge, I was blowing bubbles."
He then called in duck number three and said, "So let me quess — you were blowing bubbles too?"
"No, I'm Bubbles."

Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.

Judge: What were you doing?

1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond.

Judge: And what were you doing?

2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too."

Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well?

3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!

A farmer was down on his luck having suffered a bad growing season, lack of crops and poor prices. To make ends meet he decided he'd have to sell his dog - a most intelligent animal. A few days after placing the ad, a man came to see this "intelligent" dog. When asked what the dog could do, the farmer pointed to a stand of trees nearby and informed the man there was a pond on the other side. He turned to the dog and commanded, "Hunt." Immediately the dog took off for the trees, came back a few moments later and barked twice. The farmer said, "He just told me there are two ducks down at the pond." "That's absurd." said the potential buyer. "Dogs can't count. He was probably just barking for the heck of it." Just then a duck flew overhead, descended just past the trees and apparently landed on the pond. "Now send him back and have him count!" said the man. The farmer again commanded "Hunt!" and off went the dog. He more...

A man with a 50 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is
unable to get any women to have sex with him. They all tell him that his
penis is
too long.
"Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there any way you can
shorten
it?"
The doctor replied, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do
know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him
directions to the witch. The man calls upon the witch and relays his
story.
"Witch, my penis is 50 inches long and I can't get any women to have sex
with me. Can you help me shorten it?"
The witch asked him to "Pull it out and let me look at it." The man
uncoils his 50 inch penis. The witch stares in amazement, scratches her
head, and then replies, "I think I have a solution to your problem. What
you have to do is go to this pond deep in the forest. In the pond more...

There once was a fly and he was sitting on a leaf above a pond. There was a bass swimming in that pond. The bass said if that fly drops six inchs I can eat that fly. Then a bear comes along and eats the bass. Then the hunter comes and kills the bear. The hunter drops a piece of cheese. A mouse eats the cheese and then a cat comes along and chases the mouse towards the pond. The mouse jumps out of the way and cat falls into the pond.
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The Moral of the story, If the fly drops six inchs the pussy is bound to get wet.

A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?" The doctor replies, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my only hope." The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your more...

Moses, Jesus and some' ol geezer were going to play a round of golf. Moses teed off, the ball went right into the pond. "No problem!" he said. Moses walked over, parted the water, and hit the ball again. This time it landed about one foot from the hole.
Jesus then teed off and the ball went flying off to the left, hit a tree, then miraculously bounced within about six inches of the hole.
The' ol geezer stepped up and teed off. As the ball headed right for the pond, a huge bass jumped up and grabbed the ball in its mouth. Suddenly an eagle swooped down, grabbed the bass and flew over the green. The bass dropped the ball and it rolled within two inches of the hole! All of the sudden, a worm popped up and knocked the ball in. A hole in one.
Moses looked at Jesus and said, "You know, I really hate it when your dad plays."