Pond Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three ducks arrive at the Police station. In deciding why they're here, a police officer goes up to the first duck and says ''What's your name??'' The duck replies ''Quack''. The police officer then asks ''And why are you here ??'' The duck says ''For blowing bubbles in the pond.'' ''Blowing bubbles in the pond! That's illegal! That's a $50.00 fine!!'' The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the second duck and says ''What's your name??'' The duck replies ''Quack Quack''. The police officer then asks ''And why are you here??'' The duck says ''For blowing bubbles in the pond.'' ''Blowing bubbles in the pond! That's illegal! That's a $50.00 fine!!'' The duck agrees to pay the fine.
The police officer goes up to the third duck and says ''And your name must be Quack Quack Quack.'' And the duck replies ''No, it's Bubbles.''

Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park.Judge: What were you doing? 1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond.Judge: And what were you doing? 2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too."Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well? 3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!

Three ducks were swimming in a pond after midnight and were arrested for trespassing. The next morning, they were called to appear in court. The judge called in duck number one and said, "What where you doing in the pond after midnight?"
"I was blowing bubbles." The judge then called in duck number two and asked him the same question. "Judge, I was blowing bubbles."
He then called in duck number three and said, "So let me quess — you were blowing bubbles too?"
"No, I'm Bubbles."

3 ducks were arrested at a pond after midnight and went to court next morning. There, the judge sent the first duck in then asked,"What were u doing at the pond past midnight?". "Sir, I was blowing bubbles", replied the first duck. The judge sent the second duck in and asked the same question,"What were u doing at the pond past midnight?". The second duck answed,"I was blowing bubbles".Then they sent the 3rd duck in and the judge asked, "let me guess, you were blowing bubbles too??" Noo sir, Im bubbles".

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up
to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but
rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the
water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound. Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly
toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the centre of the pond
and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond
and chipped the ball onto the green. The third guy got up and randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over
the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a
truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a
shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drain spout, out
onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way
to the pond, the ball hit a stone and bounced out over the more...

Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: 'I reckon he's an accountant. '
James: ‘No way - he's a stockbroker. '
Chris: ‘He's no stockbroker. A stockbroker wouldn't come in here. '
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet, he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Chris: ' 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and my mate were wondering what you do for a living.'
Suit: ‘No offence taken. I'm a logical scientist by profession. '
Chris: 'Yeah, so what's that then. '
Suit: 'I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home?'
Chris: 'Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens. '
Suit: more...

Two builders are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.
The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit.
Chris: 'I reckon he's an accountant. '
James: ‘No way - he's a stockbroker. '
Chris: ‘He's no stockbroker. A stockbroker wouldn't come in here. '
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Chris and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet, he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder.
Chris: ' 'Scuse me... no offence meant, but me and my mate were wondering what you do for a living.'
Suit: ‘No offence taken. I'm a logical scientist by profession. '
Chris: 'Yeah, so what's that then. '
Suit: 'I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home?'
Chris: 'Er... mmm... well yeah, I do as it happens. '
Suit: more...