Pool Jokes / Recent Jokes

There are three guys sitting on the bench suddenly a devil appears and says give me your life by jumping from that cliff and I will give you 1 wish
The first guy went and jumped he said he wants to be the king of the world and he did
The second guy jumped and said i wanna be in a pool with lots of girls and he got in the pool with the girls.
The third one tried to jump but he tripped on a rock and he said oh shit and he fell in a pool full of shit.

You might be a redneck if, your wife's hairdo was ever ruined by a ceiling fan!
You might be a redneck if, you refuse to slide during a softball game because you don't want to crush your cigarettes!
You might be a redneck if, you're mowing your lawn and find a car.
You might be a redneck If, you were shooting pool when any of your children were born!
You might be a redneck if, you were conceived, born and taught on a pool table.
You might be a redneck if, the interviewer asks, '"Did you know that we are a Fortune 500 Company?'" And you answer, '"What track do y'all sponsor that race at? I ain't been to that one yet."
You might be a redneck If, you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog!
You are a redneck if your prom date is your brother, or if you went to the prom in your father's pickup truck!
You might be a Redneck if you use the same tree your dog does!

Bill Gates dies and is face to face with God. God says "Bill, I just don't
know what to do with you. You've done a lot of good but have also caused many millions of my subjects a great deal of anguish. I'll let you decide whether you want to go to Heaven or Hell". Bill says "Can I have a look at each before I choose?". God says "Sure". So God takes him to Hell and there are beautiful girls in small bikinis playing around a sun drenched pool. Cool drinks and sandwiches. Happiness and gaiety. God shows him heaven with angels singing to organ music.
Bill says " Hey, this is a no brainer. I'll take Hell anyday." A
year passes and God decides to visit Hell and check up on how Bill is doing. Bill is chained to a large burning brimstone and is in constant agony. God says "Hey Bill, how's it going?". Bill says, "God, you showed me beautiful girls in bikinies with sun drenched pool and cool drinks. Happiness and gaity for more...

Some things I've learned from my children:
Super glue "is" forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters "do not like Jell-O!"
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of 20 by 20 foot room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. And the glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
Certain Legos will pass through the digestive more...

An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
Q: How has French revolution affected world economic more...

Some things I've learned from my children:Super glue "is" forever.No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters "do not like Jell-O!"A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of 20 by 20 foot room.You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. And the glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop abaseball hit by a ceiling fan.Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.VCR's do not eject more...

1. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
2. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
3. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
4. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
5. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
6. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.
7. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
8. LEGOS will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old....
9. Super glue is forever.
10. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
11. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on more...