Pool Jokes / Recent Jokes
What is green and brown, has four legs and can kill you if it falls out of a tree and lands on you? A pool table?
Three young college students are on vacation in Washington, DC. One day they are walking together past the White House when they hear the voice of a man crying out, "Help, Help." Quickly, they respond to the call by leaping over the White House fence, and by following the cries, they eventually come upon Bill Clinton, drowning in the White House swimming pool. In an heroic rush, they pull him from the pool, then give him artificial respiration, clearly saving his life. After a few minutes, Clinton says to them, "Well, boys, today you saved my life! And I am willing to give each of you any wish you desire, as long as it is within my power as President!" The first fellow thinks for a few seconds then says, "I have always wanted to go to West Point. Can you get me an appointment?" "You bet!" said the President, "I'll sign the papers this afternoon!" Then the second fellow said, "I've always wanted to go to Annapolis. Can you get me more...
Two men were sitting by the swimming pool at a nudist colony when they noticed a beautiful young woman walking towards the pool. Her tan lines traced the outline of a tiny bathing suit with elaborately criss-crossed straps across the back.
"I'll bet she looks great in that suit," one of the men said wistfully.
A mother was watching her little four year old playing outside in his small wading pool which was half filled with water. He was merrily walking back and forth across the pool, making big splashes.
All of a sudden, he stopped and stepped out of the pool. Picking up his pail, he began to scoop the water out of the pool.
"Why are you pouring the water out, son?" asked his mother.
"Our teacher told us that Jesus walked on water and this water just won't work," he replied.
A man walked into a bar on a slow night and sat down. After a few minutes, the bartender asked him if he wanted a drink, and he said "No thanks, I don't drink, I tried it once but I didn't like it!" So the bartender said, "Well would you like a cigarette," but the man said "No, I don't smoke, I tried it once but I didn't like it!" The bartender asked him if he'd like to play a game of pool, and again the man said "No I don't like pool, I tried it once but I didn't like it. As a matter of fact I wouldn't be here at all, but I'm waiting on my son!" The bartender said, "Your only son I presume!!" bar, drinking
Psychiatrist's Best Friend "A man walked into the office of the eminent psychiatrist Dr. Heidberg, and sat down to explain his problem. "Doctor, doctor! I've got this problem," the man said. "I keep hallucinating that I'm a dog. It's crazy. I don't know what to do!"
"A common canine more...
How do you kill a blonde in the summer?
Stick a Scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.
Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs. And the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom. Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering. Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my freakin' ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some idiot puts a swimming cap on me!"