Pool Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He was loaded, and he had everything: money, a big house in Beverly Hills, drugs, girls, cars, planes -- anything he wanted. The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles.
So there he was, he and his friends all standing around drinking, getting high and partying next to the pool. The guy gets up on the lifeguard tower and all his friends look up.
He calls for silence and says, "OK, the first person that swims across my pool will get all my money."
No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, draws on his joint and says, " OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money and my house."
Still no one moves. "OK then, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes."
Still, no one moves, not even a eye blinks this time. "OK then, all my money, my more...
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?A: Air pockets.
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
One day the nurse who was working in the mental hospital walked towards the pool side in the hospital where our hero John was admitted. Unfortunately she dived in to the pool, her bad luck, john saw that as he jumped in to the pool and saved her.
Then the doctors decided to discharge him from the hospital, once a servant came to john and told him that doctors are calling him. When he visited the doctors, they told him that, now he is in good condition and he is sensible now, so he can leave the hospital, but conveyed the bad news that the nurse he saved hung herself in the toilet and she died.
Then john told the doctors that she didn't hung herself, but he hung her there to dry.
Ya know... the older I get, the less I crave things I have to stand in line for.
Years ago, when my daughter was dating, she couldn't decide what to get her boyfriend as a birthday present.
"Dad?" she asked, "If you were going to be sixteen this Thursday, what would you want?"
"Not another thing." I sighed, "Not another damn thing."
Trust me on this one - you'll always stay young if you live honestly, eat slowly, sleep sufficiently, work industriously, worship faithfully, & of course, lie like hell about your age.
So far, the ones who have been able to get the most out of Mrs JimJr's and my middle-age years have been the Grandchildren.
Social Security agent to applicant: "Sir, I'm sorry, feeling sixty-five isn't enough; you must actually BE sixty-five.
We've had a swimming pool for some time, now though I think I watch the Grandkids play more than I do jump in with them. I was wondering just this past summer more...
Santa, Banta and one of their friends are patients in a mental institution and are preparing for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If they pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.
The doctor takes them to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then Banta jumps and breaks both legs.
Santa looks over the side and refuses to jump.
“Congratulations! You`re a free man. Just tell me why didn`t you jump? ” asked the doctor.
To which Santa answered, “Well Doc, I can`t swim! ”
A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"
Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his more...