Pool Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking the monkey jumps all around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says, "No what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!" Says the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me," replied the patron. "He eats everything in sight. I will pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill and leaves.

Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino more...

The head psyciatrist at a mental institution is preparing to give three patients an exam. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. Should they fail, they will remain institutionaized for an additional five years.
The doctor leads the three patients to a diving board overlooking a pool that doesn't contain any water and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps off the board into the pool and breaks both arms.
The second patient jumps and ends up breaking both legs.
The third patient looks over the side of the board and flatly refuses to jump.
"Congratulations!" You are now a free man," says the doctor. "Just tell me why you wouldn't jump."
"I can't swim, doc," replies the third patient.

Man calls home. Maid answers phone.

Man: Can I speak to my wife?

Maid: She is with her boyfriend.

Man: What! O. K. go to the hall closet and take out my shotgun. Go upstairs and kill them both.

Maid: O. K. (five minutes later) they are both dead. What should I do with the bodies?

Man: Throw them in the pool, and I will take care of them.

Maid: But, we don''t have a pool,

Man: What!!!? Is this 555-1234.

A man and his girlfriend are at a bar when the girl goes to the bathroom. When she comes back she's crying. Her boyfriend asks her what happend.
"As I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wanted to kiss my breasts all night long"!
The boyfriend stood up from his stool and takes off his jacket.
"He also said he wants to screw me all night long"!! By this time the boyfriend is furious and starts walking to the pool table.
"He said he wants to drink beer from my pussy all night"!!! The boyfriend stops, turns around, sits back up on his stool and grabs his beer.
His girlfriend is stunned, and asks why he wasn't doing anything about the jerk at the pool table.
The boyfriend says "I'm sorry Honey, - but I'm not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer"!

A man walks into a pool hall with a monkey on his shoulder. He approaches a table to play a game, and sits the monkey down on the table. The monkey reaches into one of the pockets pulls out a ball, sniffs it, and then swallows it. The man calmly pays the owner for the lost ball and leaves.
The same man returns a week later with the same monkey. This time he sits at the bar for a drink, and the monkey takes a peanut from a tray then inserts it into his ass, then removes it and eats it. The bartender notices this and asks the man about the odd behavior.
The man replies "Ever since he swallowed that pool ball, he measures everything before he eats it".

A man and his girlfriend are at a bar when the girl goes to the bathroom. When she comes back she's crying. Her boyfriend asks her what happend."As I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wanted to kiss my breasts all night long"! The boyfriend stood up from his stool and takes off his jacket."He also said he wants to screw me all night long"!! By this time the boyfriend is furious and starts walking to the pool table."He said he wants to drink beer from my pussy all night"!!! The boyfriend stops, turns around, sits back up on his stool and grabs his beer.His girlfriend is stunned, and asks why he wasn't doing anything about the jerk at the pool table.The boyfriend says "I'm sorry Honey, - but I'm not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer"!

Three gay guys where swiming in a pool, some white stuff floats to the top, and one of the gay guys screams, "Alright, who farted!"