Pool Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and his girlfriend are at a bar, enjoying a drink. The girl goes to the bathroom and returns crying, so her boyfriend asks her what happened.
"When I was leaving the bathroom, a big guy at the pool table said he wants to kiss my breasts all night long!" she sobs.
The boyfriend stands up and removes his jacket.
"Then, he said he wants to screw me all night long!" she moans. By this time, the boyfriend is furious and starts walking towards the pool table.
"And then," she continues, "he said he wants to drink beer from my pussy all night long!" The boyfriend stops in his tracks, turns around, sits back on his bar stool and grabs his beer.
His girlfriend is stunned. "Aren't you going to do anything about that jerk at the pool table?" she asks.
"I'm sorry, honey," the boyfriend says, "but I'm not messing around with a guy that can drink that much beer!"

Bill Gates decided to hold a contest for the lawyers. Whoever wins gets to handle all of Microsoft’s business. The day of the event, the Gates’ estate is swamped with lawyers, all eager for the nod from the richest man in the world.

"Gentlemen," Gates starts, "please follow me." He leads them to an enormous swimming pool filled with piranha. Then he snaps his fingers. With that, a servant opens the door. A cow rushes out and stumbles into the pool. In no time at all, the cow is nothing but bones.

Gates says, "Any man who can swim the length of that pool shall represent me in all my business and personal dealings."

Instantly, a lawyer named Carl pitches into the water. Furiously he swims across the pool, hauls himself out and stands there panting.

"Bravo!" shouts Gates. "You have proven to me how much you want my business."

"Actually, I want just one thing." Carl more...

Ron and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ron suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ron out.

When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said,' Edna, I have good news and bad news.

The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is, Ron, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.

I am so sorry, but he's dead.'

Edna more...

A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again. `What's the matter?' asked the director. `I can't jump from that board!' said the actor. `Do you know there's only one foot of water in that pool?'' Yes,' said the director. `We don't want you to drown, you know.'

A man in a swimming pool was on the very top diving board. He poised, lifted his arms, and was about to dive when the attendant came running up, shouting, "Don't dive? there's no water in that pool!" "That's all right," said the man. "I can't swim!"

Little Johnny at the swimming pool. Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

A Director said to the actress: "You have to jump from 100 feet into a swimming pool."
Actress: "But I dont know how to swim."
Director: "I know, that's why I removed all the water from the swimming pool."