Porcelain Jokes

I'm hungry:

"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread."
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll through a cane chair."
"So hungry I could eat the arse out of a low flying duck."

I'm thirsty:

"I'm dry as a dead dingo's donger."
"I'm drier than a nuns nasty."
"I'm dry as a f**k with no foreplay."
"I'm as dry as a pommie's bath mat."
"I'm as dry as a bulls bum going up a hill backwards."
"I'm drier than an Arab's fart."

I need to go for a pee:

"Gonna drain me dragon."
"My back teeth are floating."
"Need to syphon the python."
"Takin' the kids to the pool."
"I got to take a snakes more...

Warning: Any resemblance between this fictional piece and a real person is
most certainly accidental.
*ring* *ring*
"Hello! Local ISP, how can I help you?"
"Well, I was sorta hoping someone could walk me through taking a leak"
"Okay... well, do you have to go now?"
"Yes, I do"
"Okay... well, are you on male or female equipment?"
"MALE-CLONE..."
"Okay, the first thing we want to do is find your fly.."
"My what?"
"Your fly... it opens your pants. It should be in the front of you. Look
down"
"I see shoes"
"No, sir... look sorta in the front of you... like just below your
stomach. You should see some metal on your pants. That's your fly.."
"The round thing?"
"Well, that's your button... let's open that, too, while we're down
there. The fly looks like a lot of little metal things more...

January 19th - Clone Patent Day
In 2000, the U.S. biotechnology company Geron Corporation, which had bought the Scottish research company formed by those who had cloned Dolly the sheep, won the first UK patents for cloning. The patents covered the nuclear transfer technology used to create Dolly in 1996.
LEAK SUPPORT
*ring* *ring*
"Hello! Technical Support, how can I help you?"
"Well, I was sorta hoping someone could walk me through taking a leak."
"Okay... well, do you have to go now?"
"Yes, I do"
"Okay... well, are you on male or female equipment?"
"MALE-CLONE."
"Okay, the first thing we want to do is find your fly."
"My what?"
"Your fly... it opens your pants. It should be in the front of you. Look down."
"I see shoes."
"No, sir... look sorta in the front of you... like just below your stomach. You should see some metal on more...