Install Jokes

A guy buys a new Rolls Royce, and is driving it home. He stops at a red light about two blocks from his house when a crapy looking Yugo pulls up next to him. The guy in the Yugo sticks his head out of the window and yells out "Hey thats a sweet lookin car!"
The guy driving the Rolls, rolls down the window and shows a proud smile. The Yugo guy screams out "Did it come with a tv like my Yugo?" The Rolls guy, kind of flustered that his luxury car didnt have a tv, made a U-Turn and drove back to the dealership and made them install the grandest $5000 tv they had. A few days later, the Rolls driver is waiting at a stop sign when the Yugo guy drives up next to him. The Rolls guy starts bragging about the new $5000 20" tv in his car. The yugo guy inquires with a smile, if the Rolls came with leather heated seats like his Yugo. The Rolls guy, mad at the fact that his car didnt, drives back to the dealership and makes them install the finest seats $10,000 can more...

WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System GIRO - Garbage In Rubbish Out. MIPS - Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed. BASIC - Bill`s Attempt to Seize Industry Control. DEC - Do Expect Cuts. CD-ROM - Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months. OS/2 - Obsolete Soon, Too. AMIGA - A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction. WWW - World Wide Wait. IBM = Imbecile Behind Macintosh. MACINTOSH - Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs.

Student: "Would it be possible to install Arabic language support on those computers?" Computer Teacher: "In order to use Arabic language in Windows, you must install an Arabic graphic card. So I dont think we could do that."

These are stories from help desks around the country.

At 3: 37 a. m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up.

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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write' click' and I more...

CS Rep: LOVE Technical Support.
Customer: I'm not very technical, but I think I can do it if you talk me through. I am ready to install now. What do I do first?
CS Rep: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART?
Customer: Yes I have, but there are several programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
CS Rep: It depends. What programs are running?
Customer: Let me see... I have PASTHURT.EXE, LOWESTEEM.EXE, GRUDGE.EXE, and RESENTMENT.COM running right now.
CS Rep: No problem. LOVE will automatically erase PASTHURT.EXE from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. LOVE will eventually overwrite LOWESTEEM.EXE with a module of its own called HIGHESTEEM.EXE. However, you have to completely turn off GRUDGE.EXE and RESENTMENT.COM. Those programs will prevent LOVE from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?
Customer: I don't know more...