Porch Jokes / Recent Jokes

This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells,
"Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat
on my front porch and he's playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my
front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and
I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"
"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing
somebody!"

If your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs, you might be a redneck.

A man came home from work one day to find his wife sitting on the front porch with her bags packed.
He asked her where she was going and she replied, "I'm going to Las Vegas."
He asked her why she was going.
She told him, "I just found out that as a woman I can make $400 a night doing what I give you for free."
He went into the house, packed his bags and returned to the porch.
His wife said, "And just where do you think you are going?"
"I''m going too!" he replied.
"Why?" she asked.
"I want to see how you are going to live on $800 a year!"

If your porch collapses and kills more than 7 dogs. You just might be a redneck.

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!" Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"

A farmer is sitting on the front porch of his house one hot summer day, when this kid comes walking down the road carrying a big bundle of wire.

Julie, the blonde, just got out of the tanning salon. She was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handywoman.

Well, the first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,' Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?'

'Sure, that sounds great!' said Julie.

'Well, uh, how much do you want me to pay you?' asked the man.

'Is fifty bucks all right?' Julie asked.

'Yeah that's great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage.' The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.

'Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?' asked the wife.' Well she must, she was standing right on it!' her husband replied.

About 15 minutes later, Julie knocked on the door.' I'm all finished,' she told the surprised homeowner.

The man more...