Pork Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was an Asian lady who married an English gentleman and moved to London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but still managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The third day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. So she brought her husband to the store...because he spoke English.
The Top 16 Worst Fortune Cookie Fortunes
16'What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?'
15'Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops.'
14'Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt.'
13'It takes a tough man to make tender chicken from a cat.'
12'You will meet a tall, dark man, not a stranger, who will kill you. He will kill Ron also.'
11'This coupon good for free 1-year subscription to Windows Sources magazine.'
10'Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan.'
9'Spouse mad at you. No get special' wonton pork' tonight, Chester.'
8'Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids.'
7'A wise man tips 20% to avoid severe tire damage.'
6'An 87 year old hooker awaits you. Alright, let's see you add' ...between the sheets' to that one, smart guy.'
5'Man who look to more...
There was a priest and rabbi who became close friends over many years, and they'd often have lunch together. One day, the rabbi almost ate the priest's ham sandwich, which made the two of them laugh. Then, the priest got a serious look on his face.
"Can I ask you a serious question?" he asked.
"Sure," said the rabbi, "we're good friends."
"Have you ever eaten pork?"
The rabbi paused. "Yes, I have. I was touring the world, and I had stopped in China. A group of locals brought me home for dinner, even though I couldn't speak the language and they didn't speak English. They were very proud of the main course, which was roasted pig. I couldn't tell them it was against my religion, and I didn't want to offend them, so I ate it. I'm sure the lord forgives me, because I was working hard to present a friendly image of his people. Now, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure, you've been honest with me." says the more...
"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was -
' You'll never find anyone like me again!'
I'm thinking,' I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.
' You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered.
I replied in a psychotic tone,' I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."
"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was more...
And I thought nothing could top Hormel`s pickled eggs. ..
8. Meeter`s Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that`s sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease.
7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered.
6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you`re really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you`ll be pleased to learn that a single serving more...
The Eight Worst Convenience FoodsAnd I thought nothing could top Hormel's pickled eggs... 8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease. 7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label - he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered. 6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving of more...