Pork Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this Asian lady married to an American gentleman and theylived in Honolulu. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries. One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn'tknow how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs. The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. The lady got what she wanted. The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a wayto communicate this, she brought her husband to the store... What were you thinking? Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!!

There was this Asian woman married to an English gentleman and they moved to London. The poor woman was not very proficient in English, although she did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher to purchase some pork legs. Not knowing how to put forward her request, and in desperation, she lifted her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher quickly got the message and the woman went home with pork legs.
The following day, she needed to buy some chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say it, so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast. She got the chicken breasts she wanted.
The next day, the poor woman needed to buy sausages. She brought her husband to the butcher shop... What were you thinking? Wrong! Her husband speaks ENGLISH!

Customer: Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?

Waiter: Can't you tell the difference by taste?

Customer: No, I can't.

Waiter: Then does it really matter?

1. Uh, yeah... I invented Spaghetti-O's.
2. You're twice as sweet as a creme brulee -- and less drippy.
3. Y'know, this hat and apron would look a lot less silly at the foot of your bed.
4. Hey good lookin', whatcha got reducing over a low flame until the sauce is a creamy, then pouring the reduction over the already sauteed veal, adding in a dash of kirsch and flambeing just before presentation?
5. Your eyes are like limpid pools of chicken stock.
6. Whisk, schmisk. I'll show you how a *real* man fluffs butter.
7. I know we've just met, but will you marinade me?
8. Wanna lick my beater?
9. How do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
10. Hey, weren't you in my' Introduction to Melons' class?
11. I've made thousands of women cream... of tarragon soup!
12. Get the buttah.
13. One cheeseburger coming up. Would you like a little paradise with that?
14. Mmmm, you look good enough to filet -- but I think I'd more...

I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was -'You'll never find anyone like me again!'I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." "A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered.I replied in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too.""Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.""Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God or is that pigs more...

FBI Marksman

One of the best marksmen in the FBI was passing through a small town.
Everywhere he saw the evidence of the most amazing shooting, on trees, on
walls, and on fences there were numerous bull's eyes with the bullet hole
in dead centre.
The FBI man asked one of the townsmen if he could meet the person
responsible for this wonderful marksmanship. The man turned out to be the
village idiot.
"This is the best marksmanship I have ever seen." said the FBI man. "How in
the world do you do it?"
"Nothing to it," said the idiot. "I shoot first and draw the circles
afterward! !!"
THE GROCERY STORE
The story goes that there was this lady married to a Caucasian. The poor
lady was not very proficient in English but anyhow managed to communicate
with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for
groceries. One day, she went to the butcher's and more...

The Priest And The Rabbi
A priest and a rabbi were sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest put down his book and said to the Rabbi, "I know that in your religion you`re not supposed to eat pork... but have you really never ever tasted it?"
The rabbi closed his newspaper and replied, "I must tell you the truth. Yes I have, on the odd occasion."
The rabbi then had his turn to interrogate. He asked, "I know that in your religion you`re supposed to be celibate... but..."
The priest interrupted, "Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice."
The two continued with their reading and there was silence for a while.
Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper and said, "Better than pork, isn`t it?"