Pork Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Eight Worst Convenience FoodsAnd I thought nothing could top Hormel's pickled eggs. .. 8. Meeter's Kraut Juice (Stokely USA): Yes, that's sauerkraut juice, which is even worse than it sounds. The taste and smell can be a bit, well, harsh, but KJ is reputed by its fans to have medicinal benefits (as a source of vitamin C, cure for intestinal bugs, etc.), which adds up to a classic case of the cure being worse than the disease. 7. Guycan Corned Mutton with Juices Added (Bedessee Imports): The best thing about this Uruguayan canned good is the very pouty-looking sheep on the package label -- he seems to be saying, "Go on, eat me already." The second-best thing is the presence of both "cooked mutton" and "mutton" in the ingredients listing, which would seem to have all the mutton bases covered. 6. Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy (Dial Corp.): If you're really looking to clog up those arteries in a hurry, you'll be pleased to learn that a single serving more...

A Priest and a Rabbi happen to sit next to each other on a long transcontinental flight.

After a while, the Priest turns to the Rabbi and asks,' Is it still a requirement of your faith that you are not to eat pork?'

The Rabbi responds,' Yes, that is still one of our beliefs.'

The Priest asks,' Have you ever eaten pork?'

The Rabbi replies' Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork.' The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.

A while later, the Rabbi looked up and asked the Priest,' Father, is it still a requirement of your Church that you remain celibate?'

The Priest replied, Yes, that is still VERY MUCH a part of our faith.'

The Rabbi then asked,' Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?'

The Priest replied,' Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.'

The Rabbi looked deeply into the priests eyes, then more...

There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in London. The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs. She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.
The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts. Again, she didn't know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast.
The lady got what she wanted.
The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
What were you thinking?
Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!!

One day a mom asked her son if he would to the butcher's to get some meat for dinner. So he went to the butcher's and asked for some ham, but they said they were all out, so he asked for some turkey but they were out so he asked for some pork, but there was no pork, so he asked for bologna, but there were out. So for the last time he asked for any meat at all, but no meat at all! He had to bring his mother some meat or she would be disappointed in him, so he got a knife when the butcher was not looking and went into the bathroom and then slice! His right buttcheek was gone! So they had it that night. The next day the mom said, "That was good meat, I want some more." So he grabbed the knife from a kitchen drawer, went to the bathroom and slice! His left buttcheek was gone, and they had it that night for dinner! The next morning his mother asked, "Can you get some more of that meat?" So he grabbed a knife from the kitchen drawer, and went up to the bathroom and more...

"I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was -'You'll never find anyone like me again!'I'm thinking,' I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." "A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied in a psychotic tone,' I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too." "Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait." "Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork. I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is that the word of God more...

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.
After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, "I know that in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork... but have you really never even tasted it?"
The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, "I must tell you the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."
The rabbi had his turn of interrogation: "I know that in your religion, you're supposed to be celibate, but..."
The priest interjected, "Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice."
The two resumed their reading. It was silent for a while.
Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper with a smile and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?"

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.