Port Jokes / Recent Jokes

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. "If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines> are on fire.

"If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. "If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. "That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic."
"If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."
"If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message."

Those who forget history-and the English language-may be
condemned to mangle both. Historian Anders Henriksson, a five
year veteran of the university classroom, has faithfully recorded
his freshman students' more striking insights into European
history. Possibly as an act of vengeance, Henriksson has
assembled these fractured fragments into a chronological narrative from the Middle Ages to the present.
During the Middle Ages, everyone was middle aged. Church and
state were co-operated. Middle Evil society was made up of monks,
lords, and surfs. After a revival of infantile commerce,
merchants appeared. Those roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organizing big fairies in the countryside. The
Crusades were expeditions by Christians who were seeking to free
the holy land (the "Home Town" of Christ) from the Islams.
In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular. A
class of ycowls arose. Finally, Europe more...

During the Middle Ages, everybody was middle aged. Church and state were cooperatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords and surfs. It is unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid out on a table before us, ready for dissection.

After a revival of infantile commerce slowly creeoed into Europe, merchants appeared. Some were sitters and some were drifters. They roamed from town to town exposing themselves and organized big fairies in the countryside.

Mideval people were violent. Murder during this Period was nothing. Everybody killed someone. England fought numerously for land in France and ended up wining and losing. The Crusades were a series of military expaditions made by Christians seeking to free the holy land (the "Home Town" of Christ) from the Islams.

In the 1400 hundreds most Englishmen were perpendicular. A class of yeowls arose. Finally Europe caught the Black Death. The bubonic plague is a social disease in more...

BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding

"This is Captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35, 000 feet midway across the Atlantic."If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire."If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off."If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you."That's me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!"

New mixed drinks contest winners
With no further ado, here the names are, in alphabetical
order. Which one do you think was THE winner?
Absolut Zero…………. Absolut vodka over frozen nitrogen
Alexander the Grrreat…. Gin, creme de cacao, and sweet cream over corn flakes
American in Paris…….. Kentucky bourbon and champagne
Black Sabbath…………Kahlua and Mogen David wine
Blind Faith………….. Wood alcohol and sacramental wine
Blood Clot……………Vodka, tomato juice, and Jell-O
Bloody Awful…………. Vodka and ketchup
Blue Moon……………. Corn whiskey and Aqua Velva
Coleman Cooler……….. White wine, soda, fried chicken crumbs, and sand
Fuzzy Naval Base………Peach schnapps, orange juice, and ammonia
George Bush………….. George Dickel bourbon and Busch beer
Gorbachev……………. Vodka with a splash of port wine
Honeydew the Dishes……Midori and Dawn
Marie more...