Positions Jokes

What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a sign saying "Newly translated from the original French: 37 mating positions." Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, I just hadda buy one. Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess.

A corporation advertised all kinds of positions to fill for their new office in a big city. The candidates were tobe selected based on their resume and tested for their aptitude for the positions.
The corporation put around one hundred baseballs in some particular order in a closed room with the room windows open Then they send a group of two to three candidates of particular discipline into the room and locked it from outside They left them alone and came back after six hours, to analyzed the situation:
[1] If they were counting and recounting the number of balls - They were hired for the ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT
[2] If they had messed up the whole place with the balls - They were hired for the ENGINEERING
[3] If they were arranging the balls in some other order - They were hired for the PLANNING
[4] If they were throwing the balls at each other - They were hired for the OPERATIONS
[5] If they were sleeping - They were hired for the SECURITY
[6] If they more...

In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex."The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?"Johnny says, "Seventy-three."The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..."She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?"Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just lays on top of the girl."Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."

A bald guy walks into a bar, turns to the noticably short bartender, and says "Hey midget, gimme a beer!"
The bartender gives the man a beer, but tells the man not to refer to him as a midget.
A few drinks later, the guy turns to the bartender and again says, "hey midget... gimme another beer!"
The bartender gets upset and warns the man about calling him a midget, but gives him his beer.
After the thrid time this happens, the bartender says, "Hey! I told you to stop calling me a midget! How would you like it if I called you 'baldy' if our positions were reversed?"
The guy thinks about it and admits that he wouldn't mind. The bartender disagrees, and ultimately they agree to switch positions to let the man see how it feels.
The bartender moves to the front of the bar, and the guy moves to the back. The bartender says, "Hey baldy, gimme a beer!"
The guy leans over the bar and says, "Sorry, but we don't serve more...

Q: Which positions does a violist use? A: First, third, and emergency.