Possessed Jokes

Life Will Not Be Like Star Trek-----------------------------------------There are so many Star Trek(tm) spin-offs that it is easy to fool yourself into thinking that the Star Trek vision is an accurate vision of the future. Sadly, Star Trek does not take into account the stupidity, selfishness, and horniness of the average human being. Allow me to describe some of the more obvious errors in the Star Trek vision. Medical Technology------------------------On Star Trek, the doctors have handheld devices that instantly close any openings in the skin. Imagine that sort of device in the hands of your unscrupulous friends. They would sneak up behind you and sealyour ass shut as a practical joke. The devices would be sold in novelty stores instead of medical outlets. All things considered, I'm happy that it's not easy to close other people's orifices. Transporter--------------It would be great to be able to beam your molecules across space and then reassemble them. The only problem is that more...

Only chases cars with Illinois license plates
Wags his tail excitedly when there's a Lincoln Day sale at The Wiz
His face is covered with fur, except right under his nose
Two dogs in sunglasses and ear pieces follow him around
He's the only dog in neighborhood wearing stovepipe muzzle
Damned if he didn't build himself a log cabin doghouse
Your dog loves chicken (a little-known fact - Abraham Lincoln loved chicken)
You ask Miss Cleo whether your dog is possessed by Lincoln, she says, "Uh... yes"
Always honest about taking a leak on the rug
He hates the theater
Late Show with Letterman; 10/05/01
©MMI, CBS Worldwide Inc.