Possible Jokes / Recent Jokes

These are things people have actually said in court, word for word.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son-the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: more...

Possible titles for Monica Lewinsky's new book

1. I Suck At My Job


2. What Really Goes Down In The White House


3. How I Blew It In Washington


4. You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President


5. Clear and Present Boner


6. Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule


7. Going Back for Gore


8. Podium Girl


9. Secret Services to the President


10. Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton


11. Deep Inside The Oval Office


12. The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions


13. She's Chief of MY Staff!


14. Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes


15. How To Beat Off the Government


16. Going Down and Moving Up


17. Members of the Presidential Cabinet


18. Me and My Big more...

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response. .. click.
A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."
I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from more...

30 things people actually said in courtQuestion1. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th Q: What year? A: Every year. Question2. Q: What gear were you in the moment of impact? A: Gucci sweets and Reeboks. Question3. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten? Question4. Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: 38 or 35, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: 45 yearsQuestion5. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A My name is Susan. Question6. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximatly milepost499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and500. Question7. Q: Sir, What is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. Question8. Q: more...

It's possible that my whole purpose in life
is simply to serve as a warning to others.
-Ashleigh Brilliant

All workers please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy. MemorandumTo: All EmployeesFrom: HeadquartersSubject: Business Travel Policy GuidelinesDate: June 16, 2000Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead. TransportationIf commercial transportation must be utilized, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and, the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting with a customer is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible. Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their more...

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.