Post Jokes / Recent Jokes

July 18
I just tried to connect to America online, which I've heard is the best online service I can get. I can't connect, I don't know what is wrong.
July 19
Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?
July 20
I bought the modem, I couldn't figure out where it goes though, it wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 21
I finally got the modem in and hooked up. A three year old next door did it for me.
July 22
The three year old kid next door hooked me up to America online for me. He's so smart.
July 23
What the heck is the internet? I thought I was on America Online, not this internet thingy. I'm confused.
July 24
The three year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. He must be a genius at least compared to me.
July 25
I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer more...

One day Bill Clinton was jogging down the street
with his bodyguard, Bubba. Bill says to Bubba, " I
have to take a piss Bubba!" Bubba replies, " Your
the president sir, you can piss anywhere you want."
So Bill went behind a bush to take a leak. Bubba
decides to take a leak also, so he goes behind the
bush with Bill. Bill looks down at Bubba's dick
and said," Damn Bubba, how did you get such a big
dick?" So Bubba told him that he went home every
night and beat his dick on the bed post.
So Bill said, " Does that really work?"
Bubba pointed to his dick and said,"Here is the
proof sir!"
So bill went home late that night, walked into
his bedroom and found Hillery asleep so he left the
lights off. He got undressed, went to the bed post
and started beating his dick on it.
Hillery woke up and said," Is that you Bubba?"

Andy Griffith has sued William Harold Fenrick, 42, who unsuccessfully ran for a sheriff's post after legally changing his name to Andrew Jackson Griffith. The suit alleges he violated trademark and copyright laws.
This is not the first time Fenrick has gotten in trouble for a name change. He once ran for a sheriff's post under the name Charles "Chucky" Johnson Norris. No lawsuit was ever filed, but he dropped out of the race after reportedly getting beat up in extremely corny, slow-paced fashion.

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting hammered. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?"

The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."

"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.

"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket' bout full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."

"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad."

"Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked.

The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."

"And then?" "Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket' bout more...

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a very well-dressed, middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on a huge stack of bright pink envelopes. Each envelope had hearts all over it.
The man then took out a perfume bottle and sprayed scent all over the envelopes.
His curiosity getting the better of him, the guy goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1, 000 Valentines cards signed,' Guess who?'"
"But why would you want to do that?"
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replied.

How many mailing list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
1 to successfully change the light bulb and to post to the mail
list that the light bulb has been changed.
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how
the light bulb could have been changed differently.
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing
light bulbs.
53 to flame the spell checkers.
156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light
bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please
take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.
203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and
alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all more...

The Washington Post has reported that a former page of Mark Foley showed Rep. Jim Kolbe some Internet messages from Foley that had made the page uncomfortable. To ease the pages discomfort, Kolbe then passed the messages on to the Washington Post.