Postman Jokes

Bad: You can't find your vibrator. Worse: Your daughter "borrowed" it. Bad: You find a porn movie in your son's room. Worse: You're in it. Bad: Your children are sexually active. Worse: With each other. Bad: Your husband's a cross dresser. Worse: He looks better than you. Bad: Your son's involved in Satanism. Worse: As a sacrifice. Bad: Your wife wants a divorce. Worse: She's a lawyer. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: For another woman. Bad: Your wife's leaving you. Worse: To enter a convent. Bad: Your wife's arrested for soliciting. Worse: She implicates you. Good: Hot outdoor sex. Bad: You're arrested. Worse: By your husband. Good: The postman's early. Bad: He's wearing camos and has an AK-47. Good: The secretary said "yes." Bad: Your wife says "no." Good: The teacher likes your son. Bad: Sexually. Worse: He's gay. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: So did the postman. Good: You came home for a quickie. Bad: Your wife walks in. Good: You get a more...

A guy decides that he'd like to have a pet. While looking around in the pet shop, he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch but it doesn't have any feet or legs. "Geez, I wonder what happened to this poor parrot," the guy says out loud.
"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."
"Ha," the guy laughs, "It sounded like the parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."
"I understood every single word," the parrot says. "I'm a highly intelligent, very well educated bird."
"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"This is a little embarrassing, but since you asked I'll tell you," the parrot whispers. "I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really more...

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.

One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."

The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."

The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"

She frowned and said, "The postman."

"Why the postman?"

"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."

December 14, 2003Dearest Dave, I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. This was a delightful gift! I couldn't have been more surprised or pleased darling! With truly the deepest love, AgnesDecember 15, 2003Dearest Dave, Today the postman brought me yet another of your sweet gifts. The two turtule doves that arrived today are adorable, and I'm delighted by your thoughtful and generous ways.With all of my love, Your AgnesDecember 16, 2003Dearest Dave, You've truly been too kind! I must protest; I don't deserve such generosity. The thought of getting three French hens amazes me. Yet, I am not surprised-what more should I expect from such a nice person.Love, AgnesDecember 17, 2003Dear Dave, Four calling birds arrived in the mail today. They are truly nice but don't you think that enough is enough? You are being too romantic.Affectionately, AgnesDecember 18, 2003Dearest darling Dave, It was a surprise to get five golden rings! I now have one for more...

December 14thDearest John: I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes--------------------------------------December 15thDearest John: Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes--------------------------------------December 16thDear John: Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist.... you're just too kind. Love Agnes---------------------------------------December 17thToday the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic. Affectionately, Agnes----------------------------------------December 18thDearest John: What a surprise! Today more...