Potato Jokes / Recent Jokes

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like potato pancakes?" She says "No," and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like more...

Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your toes.The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.

In The Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form, and void, And darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And the Devil said, "It doesn't get any better than this."
And so God created Man in His own image; Male and female He created them.
And God looked upon Man and Woman And saw that they were lean and fit. And God populated the earth With broccoli and cauliflower and spinach And green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, So Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And so the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man, "You want fries with that?"
And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained five pounds.
And so God created the healthful yogurt, That Woman might keep her figure. But the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained five pounds.
And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad." And the Devil more...

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his
predicament.
Dear Bubba,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the lot for me.
Love Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES!
Love Bubba
At 4 the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police
showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under more...

An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work.
His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament.
Shortly, he received this reply,
"For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.
Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."

Martha Stewart vs Me...
Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh more...

You know that all potatoes have eyes. Well, Mr. and Mrs. Potato had eyes for each other and they finally got married and had a little one - a real SWEET POTATO whom they called "YAM". They wanted the best for little Yam, telling her all about the facts of life.
They warned her about going out and getting half baked because she could get Mashed, get a bad name like Hot Potato, and then end up with a bunch of Tater Tots.
She said not to worry - no Mr. McSpud would get her in the sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her! But she wouldn't stay home and become a Couch Potato either. She would get plenty of food and exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato even told her about going off to Europe and to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland and even the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. They also said she should watch out for the Indians when going out west because she could get Scalloped. She told them more...