Pound Jokes / Recent Jokes

My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing.He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could.After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 20 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 50 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for five full minutes!Eventually, he even started putting potatoes in the sacks.

A fragment of a drinking (or financing?) song called "Hatless Atlas":
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A woman with a brain tumor was surprised when her doctor called her, and told her of a new, experimental brain transplant procedure. When she met with her doctor, he told her that she would require the transplant of one pound of brain. The doctor then asked, "What type of brain do you want?"
"What type?" the woman asked, "That makes a difference?"
"Yes," replied the doctor. "There is a substantial difference in price. For example, one-pound of brain from a surgeon costs $12, 000, while you can get one-pound of brain from a nuclear physicist for $15, 000, and so on. You will gain some of the qualities associated with the profession of the brain donor, so your choice can make a big difference."
"Can you give me one-pound of brain from a lawyer? Ever since I was a little girl I've dreamed of being a trial attorney."
"Sure. Let's see. That's $250, 000," the doctor replied.
"You're kidding more...

There is no such thing as child-proofing your houseIf you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can igniteA 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurantIf you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strongenough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and asuperman capeIt is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a20 by 20 foot roomBaseballs make marks on ceilings. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up afew times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hitby a ceiling fan. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's alreadytoo late. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36year old man says more...

My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I was a little nipper, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the hard work of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. As he told it, he would stand outside behind the wood shed, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out from his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After awhile he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than two full minutes.. . . Then, he started putting potatoes in the sacks... DOH!

A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a bar oneevening and said to the bartender "Give everyone a drink exceptthat gay guy over there"About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order, "Give everyonea drink except that gay guy over there"The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartenderasks why, and the gay guy says "I am going to put one in each cheek, go over there, and cold-cock that big sonofabitch!"

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 60 year old man says they can only do it in the movies
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old
Super glue is forever
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water
Pool filters do not like Jello
VCR's do not more...