Pound Jokes / Recent Jokes

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old Super glue is forever McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water Pool filters do not like Jello VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials more...

A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a barone evening and said to the bartender "Give everyone a drinkexcept that gay guy over there"About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order, "Give everyonea drink except that gay guy over there"The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartenderasks why, and the gay guy says "I am going to put one in eachcheek, go over there, and cold-cock that big sonofabitch!"

Three cowboys of the world are sitting around camp talking about how tough they were and the tales kept getting bigger and bigger. The cowboy from Australia says, "I wrestled a 200 pound crocodile and may it cry like a baby." The Cowboy from Brazil shakes his head and says, "I killed a 400 pound steer with my bare hands." The Cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept stirring the campfire with his leg.

It's a summer holiday weekend and a man is shopping for the cookout he's having. He notices a sign in a butcher shop window advertising 'Ground Sirloin: 39 cents per pound'. Entering the shop, he tells the butcher he would like 5 pounds of the ground sirloin.
"Sorry, sir," replies the butcher. "I'm all out."
Disappointed, the man goes down the street to another butcher shop and asks, "How much is your ground sirloin?"
"It's $3.59 per pound," replies the butcher.
"What!" exclaims the man. "The butcher up the street is selling it for 39 cents per pound!"
Smiling calmly, the butcher asks, "Does he have any?"
"Not right now, no. He told me he's out of it," replies the man.
Grinning, the butcher says, "Well sir, when I don't have any, I can sell it for 29 cents per pound!"

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words, "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

A group of Asian women were visiting a village located in South Africa. They came across a booth selling human breast. One of the Asian lady asked the butcher, "Why are you selling women's breast?" The butcher replied, "In Ouagadougou, we have found that consuming women's breast can increase men's sex drive, and enlarge the size of their penis." Hearing about the "enlarging the penis" the Asian woman was determined to buy some for her husband. She quickly asks the butcher for the price of the breast. "Well," says the butcher, "It depends on what kind of breast you want. We have black breast, white breast, and Asian breast." "Give me the price of each!", said the Asian lady impatiently. "The black breasts are $200 a pound," the butcher says. "White breasts are $300 a pound, and the Asian breasts are $400 a pound." The Asian women were glad to hear that Asian breasts were the most expensive in the breast more...

A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain.
Upon further inspection he noticed a marked disparity between the costs of brain meats. A carpenter's brain sells for $1.50 per pound. A plumber's brain sells for $2.25 per pound. He noticed with alarm that a politician's brain sells for $375.00 a pound. With not a little curiosity he asked the owner why the huge difference in price between the similar meats.
The owner responded with a deadpan look on his face, "Do you realize how many politicians it takes to get a pound of brains?"